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Old 21st December 2011, 04:36 AM   #171
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Married and lonely

As forever says,(the same as I thought when I read your last post), the reasons that she gives are all just excuses. In her mind there will always be a reason not to have sex. If you had a weekend away together without the children, it would probably be the excuse of the people in the hotel room next to yours. If you rented a cottage miles from anyhwere, there would be another reason, like the risk of pregnancy. Even her refusal to use any sort of birth control will give her the excuse not to have sex. .
I do think that she should have told you before you married that she wasnt going to a)have sex for 5 years, and b)after that not unless she wanted a child, and c) wasnt going to use birth control. It wasnt right that she married you knowing what she felt but not telling you.
Her apparent distaste towards sex and aversion to sex seem very very deep. I can ony think that her mother drummed this into her while she was growing up because it is very strong. Basically she is in control, she says that you dont have sex, and that is that. She sees sex as dirty and to describe a Christian book on marriage and sex as pornographic is extreem to say the least. I have never known anyone with such Victorian ideas about sex.

This wont be easy George, her attitudes are intrenched and deep, but with Gods help things can change in time, if she is willing to think of you and your needs as well as everyone elses. According to the Bible, I would say that after God(and that doesnt include church activities) you should be first, then the childen, and then her church activities. Hasn't she read Ephesians? It says a lot about how wives are to treat their husband with respect and are to adapt themselves to him. The thing is that she is thinking that she is such a good Christian lady but is blantantly disobeying all of Gods instruction for wives.Her priorities are all wrong and upside down.

I do wonder if there is anyone at your church that you could go to about this? Is there a couple who you both know and trust there? Would she even speak about this with another perosn? Even if she wont go george, is there a mature Christisn guy who you can speak with and who you can pray with about this on a regular basis, because it isnt normal or right. The thing is that she is in total control at this time, and she wont like it if you rock the boat, so you will need to be patient and pray a lot and hopefully get godly support on this.

That verse is definetly talking about sex by the way, because it then says that if you have a period of prayer and abstinence you are to come back together quickly to avoid tempation. In the context of the passage, you can tell Paul means sex.

I would start by praying about it, telling God how you feel, go and see a mature godly man who you trust and go from there.

Last edited by chosen; 21st December 2011 at 04:45 AM.
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