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Old 21st December 2011, 09:59 AM   #173
Forever
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,408
Re: Married and lonely

Okay George,

I have been thinking again.

Let's just say that you are ready for a long over due "awakening"...but your wife will never go "there" on her own accord or by being prompted by you...let alone anyone else.

You spend months (or years) getting educated on the ideals laid out before Christians about our sexuality as married couples and it is looking quite enticing...especially since God is the one giving us the green light...as opposed to what the "world" says....In other words, there are a few godly boundaries, but definately not the kind you are accustomed to having to live.

So far so good.

Then you realize that you have been "screwed" all these years...but not necessarily in the way that you preferred.

You realize further that your wife has had the utmost of control...outrageously so, and not by logical and reasonable interpretation from Scripture, by any stretch of the imagination...and certainly not by her acquiring good Christian counsel regarding this issue.

What then?

What are you willing to risk to straighten out this mess?...Your wife, your home...your children's stability...WHAT?

The problem I see here is that your "awakening" (apart from your wife's awakening), is going to result in a potential opening of Pandora's Box if you act apart from God.

We can sit here as arm chair counsel and tell you what is wrong...and be very much "on the money" in principle...but apart from God's intervention...you could destroy your marriage if you act out on your own accord. You did, after all, know the parameters that your wife had upon entering marriage...and it did seem to be reasonable at the time...or perhaps you just did not see long term problems with it and thought you could handle it...or perhaps you thought she would grow to see how "looney" and selfish her standards were...I don't know.

At any rate, you need much more than we (here) have to offer....and all the Christian books in the world wont help one nit apart from the next truth I say...

You need God, through His Holy Spirit, to convict your wife as you continue to communicate your needs and desires to her. Yes, you HAVE to tell her what your needs are...speaking kindly to her about it once a week or so, until the Lord (not your wife) tells you to "shut up" (so to speak)... and then leave it to the Lord to go to work on your behalf. She needs to hear from you c-l-e-a-r-l-y how important it is to intimacy in marriage as well as to your need for physical fulfillment...then God will take it from that point.

Otherwise, she will think you are perverted and tainted by the world and by the ideas derived by the "wicked" books you read...regardless of the truth of the Scriptures that you learned to confirm your case.

Sometimes, we are pretty much helpless to "fix" what is an obvious easy fix...but what is easy for us, is NOT so easy to those who are held in bondage...which is what has happened to your wife long ago.

I hope you are getting what I am trying to say. Is your temporal fulfillment really worth the destruction that can happen if you do not lean heavily on the leading of God in this issue?

I am not saying that this is something that should not change...it definitely is long overdue....and God would have you learn of it and then trust and depend upon Him for the fulfillment...but you must first be convinced that it is right and good and a gift from His hand.

I also know that this issue has empowered your wife to think that since she has controlled you on a very basic and fundamental level all these years...that she must have had it "right" since she has not met up with much of your own resistance (you were trying to be loving towards her by sacrificing yourself). But she is WRONG...and she is going to have to "meet up with God" if she does not learn to respect and love you along with all your needs and legitimate desires.

Nevertheless, you must proceed with caution since she cannot be won over by anything other than the Spirit of God working on your behalf...not by coercion, or logic or by any human reasoning or by strength or might or human power or sentiment. It is God who sees and understands where you are heading with this...and it is He who will rescue you (and her).

Last edited by Forever; 21st December 2011 at 08:43 PM.
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