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Old 31st December 2004, 07:26 PM   #56
Lovey
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

I am fed up, Kate. The lying is just too much for me to enjoy a wonderful caring, trusting relationship.

Well I am only a newlywed so the amount we have sex is going to be a little more than someone married 7 years for example. (We've both been married before.) I didn't mean to sound as if the sex is the focus. It's not the focus at all actually. Sorry if I mislead you.
We really have had sex three times a day. Why shouldn't we? Why is that hard to believe? It went down to once or twice though. That is normal for us. It has nothing to do with multiple orgasms, but that we both liked to show our love with intimacy. We don't always penetrate. We change things daily and do other things sexually together.
This doesn't interfere with our work (we own a business) or our friends with whom we see a few times a week. We take walks almost every night and go to the gym to exercise. We have date nights and communicate regularly. We don't watch much tv or spend too much time on the computers (used to) so we really don't focus on sex. When we go to bed or awake, we usually make love. The third time a day was not consistent. It happened mid day. I used to work in the adult industry, myself- backend. Is it becoming clearer!?
We are very balanced in all we do. IT's something that we have always strived for.
I don't watch porn at all. I quit the industry. We masturbate together all the time. It is part of sex for us. For us sex can be mutual masturbation, oral, manual or penetration or all.

What the issue is is trust. I just found out that he has lied about everything to people all the time for years. Its something that is a really huge issue. It is not really the porn as much as the lies and hiding which he shouldn't need to do.
I will go to that site. Thanks.
I am no longer secure with our relationship- you are right. It is because of the lying. It just hurts and hurts until I become numb. We were getting things back on track until he lied again today.
I still am at a loss and feel very alone but I thank you for your replies.
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Kelly J- Thanks so much for expaining that. I was thinking a few different things when you said that.
It is all in how we say things. WE are both not young at all! We are not middle age but in between. I was once married 7 years, and so was he. I am not sure why you'd think I was wrong, but possibly because I didn't know your meaning of that >>>>"The married porn user walks a fine line between masturbation and sex with his wife.>>>>> It has several meanings to me, thats all!

This is my second marriage and we've been married a short time. Been together three years.

This is the issue I was referring to in my other posts, that if he starts watching it now a few times a week, won't it grow to a daily event- I know that it will.
So I understand you now. You're saying the same thing I am, that eventually he won't become aroused by just sex or me. I know that. That's why it is so important for me to try to get help now, instead of waiting.
It's not that I am young or that I don't know what happens. It's that I do know what happens and I know everything in my head, I just don't like it, nor does my heart understand.
I am really concerned that these lies won't stop. He found the keylogger password and lied about that too. See? He scored about an 8 yes's on the test you have here on this site.
I am wondering if he's ever going to stop and wondering if I will have to be the dutiful wife. I think that porn is a start to chat with other women. I say that concerned for my marriage and my happiness.
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