Thread: Baronness
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Old 18th August 2011, 12:01 AM   #12
Posts: n/a
Cool Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I just went to my mom's in the later part of July and she is some distance away and I miss my home when I'm not here and I miss him too although I don't know why. I had a good time with my friend today, we went to breakfast and talked about her life and mine and she said I should come over more often and I think I will.

You are very creative, 1aokgal, and I enjoy reading about your past life and what you did to earn money. My friend told me she was watching a news show and they said that the longer you are without work and the older you get its harder to get a job. I said what about experience? I have 20 years of clerical experience and she said they didn't mention that but they want young women rather than older ones.

I said, Excuse me, I'm not an older woman! She is secure in her job for the state and she is 3 years younger than me. I go to a new doctor tomorrow and we'll see what he says. I can sit for long periods of time but the standing and stooping is a problem.

I finished my third hat and it looks great. I didn't touch it for days and then forced myself to sit and do it and once I did I was caught up in it so I'm not so depressed anymore but I really don't want to be around him right now. He just reminds me of what I don't have and our situation really isn't okay with me, no matter how much of a brave front I put up.

I'm being honest in how I feel. I wish I could just hand it over to God and not think about it but that isn't possible for me. I have to face facts. I realize now he's been worried about the finances but dumping it on me didn't make me feel good and in fact depressed me. I keep forgetting that he cares little for what I feel.

However, I have a new hat to start and can't be bothered with dwelling on his inadequacies. If I could support myself right now I would be living alone. I would ask him to leave because he said I would have to be the one to end it and he would leave. Maybe its a good thing I don't have the finances to support myself because this relationship would be over and I'm not sure that is the thing to do.

But because I'm frustrated and upset I want a change and me living alone is definitely a change but I think I would miss him. However; we don't seem to have anything together anymore. We have nothing in common and are as different as night and day and before you say that isn't grounds for breaking up, I already know that.

Often times I thought I would like to be free, whether or not there was a man in my life. And other times I look at him and remember how proud I was that he was mine. We are getting along okay now but I didn't need for him to make me feel bad for nothing working at a 9-5 job. A lot of people just say things without considering how the other person is going to feel.

I know that God will help me with whatever direction my life takes. I would like me and him to work out but this is a very odd relationship and there has been no affection in several days and I don't care to show any affection just to feel like I shouldn't have wasted my time. I show him my hat creations and he just nods.

I try to make polite conversation sometimes and he just nods. I feel like I'm bothering him, taking him away from his movie or whatever. But I am relieved to say that I am not in a deep depression anymore. I can't believe how much I've had to go through lately. Everything hit at once. For a couple of years this no sex thing has been going on but there was still an effort.

Now there is no effort and I had to face the facts. So I am immersing myself into creative things and things that make me happy. I am not the type to be down for long. Even though I have many obstacles in my way on the path of my life, I will either jump over them or go around them but I will continue on the path of my life.

I can make my life beautiful. I can create things of beauty and write fantastic novels and get out in the sunshine and do fun things, breathe deeply and hold on to the good things in life. I'm trying to lighten up a bit and be thankful for what I can do and even for what I have. I do have very nice things in this home, things that matter to me and I have hope that I will have a successful hat making business.

1aokgal, I wanted to ask you, when you first started sewing clothes and bonnets and such, how long did it take before it was profitable to you? I know you've been doing this for a long time and I was just curious as to how long it took. I have to admire you for the path you have chosen. Here you are with a man who hasn't been with you physically in a long time but you carried on and turned your attention and talents into something successful.

I admire a woman who can do that. There are some who get so depressed that they turn to alcohol or drugs and sit around and feel sorry for themselves or run to get out of the situation. It must have taken a lot of courage to stay. You are what I call a survivor. You will always come out on top and I'm sorry you've had to deal with the things in your life, from your husband and other things, because I think you deserve all the happiness in the world.

We don't know why we have to endure things like this from a man we loved for a long time, and we might not even know the real reason why this is happening. No matter how I rant and rave and get upset and down, I can't allow this to destroy me, to make me feel bad about myself in any way. I know my self worth and no one can take away my integrity and honor and knowledge.

There is a great distance between me and him and part of it is because I took control of my own life and refused to let him run my life. I took up a project I enjoy very much and I do not whine about how things are financially. I just deal with it like I always have. I hope for the best but make things work with what I have.

I'm a Leo and we take charge and accomplish things and for too long I have wrapped my whole existence and thought into this man. No more. I trust God to help me and he has and I trust my own instincts and my instincts are telling me he doesn't deserve me. I have been kind and thoughtful and loving even knowing that I can't have the relationship I want.

I have been gracious in that I haven't made him feel less a man because of it. I have supported him and put him first in my actions and thoughts and he has in turn treated me like a roommate. I have often thought he is ruining my life and I have to stop him from doing that. I am stronger than he is so I don't need his presence in my life, I just want it, that's all.

But like the song says, 'you can't always get what you want'.