Thread: Baronness
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Old 23rd August 2011, 12:57 AM   #41
Baroness
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Talking Re: Husband doesn't want sex

1aokgal, I do want to make the victorian hats but since discovering I like to do this I had to use what I had available. I plan on ordering a pattern to make the bonnets but I looked up the years you suggested 1870-1880 and nothing below 1860 and a lot of those hats are straw and almost like a teardrop hat.

I'm interested is sewing the bonnets but many of what I saw on that link you sent me were not what I was thinking as to bonnets. It was kind of confusing because you suggested the Regency didn't sell as well. I want to do the ones that sell well and that women will order for their victorian outfits. I also like to do the ones I've done so far and you haven't seen the last two and I'm working another one now.

Since I'm new at this I need your guidance in which type of hat is the best. Since I saw several styles I'm not sure which one to do. It is also confusing because there are so many and I'm not experienced enough to know which ones would sell the best other than what you said, I had to start with a pattern.

There is a bonnet I am going to make because I like it and I saw it on ebay and at the time I wasn't considering a certain year. I also got confused I guess because of some of the hats on etsy. I liked some of them very much but unsure as to the time frame they are from even though I have researched them. I like to make all kinds of hats but I want to make money at it too so I have to somehow narrow it down.

Helen, as to what we were talking about with the trust issue with my h and about things he keeps to himself, I ran a credit check on him and i'm happy to say that there are no hidden issues I need to worry about. His credit report was spotless and I read things on there that he had told me about and it gave me great comfort to know he hadn't lied or kept anything from me.

Chamomile, thanks for being supportive through all this. I feel I have come a long way too although I still have moments of frustration and I still think this is a great injustice to me. He's very quiet today and I tried to talk to him but he would only answer yes or no so I told him I give up. He asked me today if I had a movie I wanted to watch and I said no.

I think he felt bad about always watching reruns and not asking me what I want to watch and we did watch a movie the other day but my life is more than about movies and who wants to watch what. I have hats to make and the more I sew the more it comes back to me and I love to do this. I can sit out there and watch a movie but not two in a row because I need to be doing something.

He went out today and bought some groceries so apparently we aren't as broke as I thought and he also left me some money. I don't know what the other day was about but I think he worries about stuff that hasn't happened yet. We can afford this apartment so I don't know what all the excitement was about. I also found out that these payments he gets from his attorney are workman comp. payments and he will be getting them for the rest of his life.

My attorney told me that disability cases can range from one year to five and there are three steps and I am at the third step because of all that i've done before and it should only be another 3 months at the most and if I am denied I have to think about whether I want to pursue this any further. I don't want to be doing this for years so getting a job would be the best thing but not exactly easy.

I asked myself today why I can't just let this go, this non sex thing. Why can't I just accept it and make the best of it without feeling like I'm missing something and need to have it back in my life. That's when I think about leaving or him leaving, because he seems incapable of communicating and incapable of making an effort to make this better.

It frustrates me when he doesn't respond to me when I'm trying to have a conversation with him and then finally makes me angry so I just come in here because I'm tired of dealing with it. He's off in his world of tv and also thinking about things and I have to pull everything out of him and I'm sick of doing that.

Sometimes, though, he talks so much to me that I can't get him to shut up, usually when he's had a beer but not always. I don't think his beer drinking is a problem since he doesn't get falling down drunk and he hasn't had a beer since my birthday on the 4th or maybe a day or so after that.

I have not stopped writing in my diary. I write in it via computer every single day unless I go somewhere all day which is rarely. Just because there were comments about the negativity of keeping a diary didn't mean I would change anything. I have always kept a diary and I always will. I can go back and see things and sometimes they are good and sometimes they are not.

I will put a poem on here that I wrote years ago when all this lack of sex thing had just started and this is a poem about that and I was surprised to read that he hadn't made love to me in almost a year. I thought that was horrible and we have made love since then but its getting close to a year since our last successful encounter.

I can't believe I haven't had sex in almost a year and I can't believe it was that way a few years back. There is something wrong with this man. Not just the ed, but not even wanting to connect on some physical way. And especially in him not caring how I feel about this.

I bet you anything he is just counting the days until I leave him. He's mentioned to me before that he can't believe I am still with him and now with this situation I bet he expects me to leave any time. He knows I don't want to give up this home so he's pretty sure I will ask him to leave instead and he also knows that I can't make it on my own so maybe he thinks he can do whatever he wants.

Regardless of what he thinks, he will have to answer to God for treating me unfairly in this. I should have left when this first started happening but it didn't until I lost my job. These days I spend more time thinking about God and my hats than I do him. My focus is not on him all the time anymore, its on my relationship with God and the hats I create and when I'm working on them I don't give him a second thought.

In a way I'm happier than I ever have been because I've discovered a new creative side to myself and I am determined to succeed. In another way i've never been more unhappy with my m. Sometimes I think I spend too much time thinking about all this when I should just be out doing something. I have already started doing that with the hats but I want to start seeing my best friend more since she lives near here and is single.

Just because he's happy with sitting in front of the tv all the time, it doesn't mean I have to be chained here, and God help the man who tries to chain me to anything in any way!!