Thread: Baronness
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Old 23rd August 2011, 01:15 AM   #42
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

The Dark Room 2009

I'm writing this poem and I'm holding nothing back, this is how I truly feel
I am in a deep depression and it's the only thing that truly seems real
I am so sick of him ignoring me and treating me like just a friend
This has been ongoing for years now and I don't see the end
He doesn't understand anything and God knows I've tried
But I'm weary with trying to figure it out and something inside me has died

What is this? What happened to him and why does he think this is okay?
Where is it written that women are always the one's to pay?
I wake up in the morning and wonder what I'm getting up for
another day of emptiness, I am truly alone on the shore
He thinks it's okay, he thinks because I love him I will ignore the rest
but he doesn't care anymore and isn't even trying to do his best

I don't know why I continue to stay here and have my confidence shaken
when what I really need is for someone to come along and make me feel quite shaken
I have done my best
he has failed the test
I do everything for him and smile while I'm doing it
but he just looks at me and obviously doesn't feel like pursuing it

I am lonely and I haven't truly been touched in over a year
I am left alone with my doubts and what I truly fear
Is something going on that I know nothing about?
and how long is it going to take me to figure it out?
Is he having an affair?
Does he cheat when I'm not there?

I am suspicious of everything
and I can't count on anything
How much longer can I take this, how have I even endured this long?
Why am I in a relationship that is not fulfilling and seems so very wrong?
Is he counting on my love for him to keep me in control?
What I feel for him isn't enough and I no longer have a goal

I used to look forward to making love at least once a week
but he will get offended if about this I dare to speak
What is wrong with him? He used to be so good
I never had to say anything, he always did what he should
Now we are two strangers because he doesn't even know me
he has no idea that a lot of the time I just want to be free

But there are no guarantees in life and I hate to leave someone I love
it's been over a year and I don't know what he could have been thinking of
What makes him think I will just put up with this and listen to his excuses?
Wanting him and not having him is just one of his abuses
I can't talk to him, he likes to pretend that everything is okay
but I have reached the end of my patience and it came to a head yesterday

Depression enveloped me and took me far away
I'm locked up in a dark room and I can't see the light of day
I resent him and I don't trust him anymore
if I can't feel alive then what am I living for?
In this dark room I don't feel alive and I have no strength to fight
there is no way out, I'm chained here, I can't see the light

Who does he think he is to treat me like I'm not even here?
My depression and sorrow have engulfed me and nothing is clear
He asks me what's wrong and I can no longer pretend
I just want this roller coaster ride from hell to finally end
I keep thinking if I wait awhile he might want me like he used to
but I can't get a reaction out of him no matter what I wear or what I do

For me as a woman this is unbelievable
that a man wouldn't want to be with me is inconceivable
All we have between us is memories and they are fading fast
I no longer see this as something that is going to last
But the worst of it all is that I still want him and I even let him know
but his lack of response cuts me and so my resentment continues to grow

He has taken the best of me and beaten me down until I can't even think
there will be no peace for me until I break this link
But until then I am in this dark room with not a shred of light
that's it, I give up, I have given up the fight
You have nothing to give me and this makes me sick
what a waste that you no longer know what to do with it

I have treated you better than any woman and look what you've done
you have taken the life from me, you are willing to live in a life with no fun
When I finally get out of this dark room I will find a way to break free
and when I go the only thing you will be left with is a feeling of missing me
I didn't want to give up, I tried for so long but you don't care how I feel
so one day I will find a way to again make life seem real

I have tried and been denied for about three long years
I loved you and just set aside my fears
but I can't let you completely destroy me and that's what you're trying to do
You will wake up on the day that I finally say we're through
You have treated me badly in the past
but I just wanted this to last

I loved you more than any man before
but now it will be your turn to be alone on that shore
You have kept your secrets and weren't too good at playing your part
you have taken from me and then you smashed my heart
You have underestimated your opponent
You screwed up so now it's time to own it

I have left you already, you just don't know it yet
I leave you with your loneliness and you will see how bad it can get
I hope you realize before too long that you are destroying us, but somehow I doubt it
I will regain my strength because I have no intention living the rest of my life without it

The memories will be hard to deal with but in time they will start to fade away
but here in this dark room I see no reason to stay
It's too bad you chose the course to destroy me
you have lost the ability to simply enjoy me
Time is slowly running out
but I can't stay until you figure it out

You will eventually lose me and when that happens, you won't be the same
No matter where you go or what you do, Mr.Man, you will always remember my name.