Thread: Baronness
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Old 19th August 2011, 12:20 AM   #17
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I think i've mentioned before that he will not go to a marriage counselor and clearly he does not think a lot of me nor I him. He won't even try to work on our problem and still pretends there isn't one, and I am in here at night wondering if he is m. He doesn't even wait until I go to bed.

I spend most of my time by myself anyway as he continues to watch the same movies and doesn't talk to me unless he's complaining about finances. He didn't used to complain so I think he did something with some of the money he gets and now he doesn't have enough to get through the month.

He said he was going to buy me a microwave for my birthday and not only is he not going to do that, but he didn't have the decency to tell me. I am tired of his secrets. He acts like his finances and bank account is a forbidden secret. Around the 15th he always has money from his attorney and this time he does not and I'm the one who has to suffer for it.

Ending another relationship does not bother me as much as what he's doing to our relationship. I have lived with his secrets forever and I go through his pockets sometimes or I would never know how much money he had. And then sometimes he comes and gives me twenty dollars when I think he is broke.

Clearly there is a secret life going on here, if only because he likes to keep his finances to himself but that isn't the way it should work with a h and w. I didn't mind because I had my own money but now I have to depend on him and so I can't believe him when he says he's going to do this for me or that. He's always kept him word and has always paid things on time but something is wrong here.

He isn't just worried about what the government will take out next year, he's worried because he has no money and he should have. I even mentioned that to him today and he got all quiet. I am open and honest with him about finances and everything else but lately i've started not telling him everything.

I've also quit trying to make conversations with him because he just acts like he wished I'd go away so he can watch tv. This, in turn, makes me feel like an idiot for even trying when he is so clearly not interested. I know him and I know he's worried about things but why all of a sudden? He's been paying for things for a few months now (before that I was contributing) and why all of a sudden is it a big deal?

He told me that he had paid off his child support in one lump sum back in 95. Then he said his ex was suing him because she wanted him to pay for when the girls were in college. Going through his things I discovered that yes he did pay it off but it kept adding up and when we got together and he was telling me he paid all the child support, but he receipts I saw it showed that he was supposed to be paying child support because it was adding up from the time he paid it off.

I have two children, he doesn't think I know anything about child support? So maybe he owed this money and now it has to come out of his settlement and that's why he only gets so much per month. She's probably asking for more than he's willing to pay and he says she refuses to pay the attorney so everything is on hold.

What I'm telling you is that I have had a life with him full of things I don't know, and sometimes he'll tell me and sometimes he won't and I just don't trust him anymore. I'd like to think he was honest and I know he is very private and doesn't reveal things because of his past, but why hide things from me? Does he think I would take advantage of him in some way?

I could care less about his money and he knows that. When we first met he tried to impress me with the house up on the mountain that he owned and was talking about the property he owned and about the money he had. I told him straight out that it didn't make any difference to me if he'd had money or not or owned property.

I don't know what its like to have a lot of money so it matters little to me. I told him I didn't care if he dug ditches for a living I wasn't with him because of money and he knows that. But if I decided to stay with him now it would be about the money. I feel he owes me after everything I've had to put up with and now this sex situation.

I don't know what to tell you. I ask God for direction but I'm not getting any. All I know is I'm tired of wondering when he's jerking off but just as important is that he doesn't care if I don't want to watch something on tv, he knows I hate certain movies cause I've watched them so much and yet he will sit there and watch it anyway with me sitting there.

What kind of love is that? If I knew he hated something I was watching I would try to find something he liked. This just proves what a selfish person he really is. And if he doesn't like it that I'm always in here then he should find something we both like and not be a TV-Nazi. I just hate to be around him now and I've got other things I need to do besides being worried that he's not treating me fairly.

Everything has always been his way, but he discovered quickly that there are things I will not negotiate on. I have no choice but to remain here right now, and I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I do know I'm not going to be miserable for the rest of my life. I've tried to be patient and to adjust to the lack of sex.

I've prayed and trained myself not to dwell on it and even convinced myself it was okay. But what is happening here is that he's doing whatever he wants and doesn't care how I feel about it. He doesn't care that I haven't had sex and I have no physical problem with it. He doesn't care what I think about his distance either.

By his actions I'm getting that he thinks I will just deal with whatever because I love him. Big mistake. No, this is not okay. It's not okay that he doesn't try to get help for this, it isn't okay for him to ignore me like I was a light bulb or something. A light bulb has its purpose and when its done doing its job you just turn it off and that's the way he thinks about me.

If he doesn't know how lucky he is to have a woman love him and show kindness and put up with all his problems, then he doesn't deserve me and if he doesn't want to make love to me and treat me decently, then someone else will.