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Old 26th April 2007, 07:09 AM   #10
1aokgal
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Red face Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Dear Joanna.......

I appreciate your posting concerning feelings you have about your marriage and the abstinence of any sexual relationship with your husband.
I share this problem as well for many years pattern..13 years..with the man I married... 26 years ago..and dearly love today.
There is such grief to lose the part of life that should be a woman's right to know love and physical intimacy within marriage. There are no other women or explanations from him. He won't discuss the matter. Basically, to him there is no problem.

While I am told daily that I am loved by a man who does things for my comfort. I can feel little emotional connection sometimes and wish I could talk with him enough to uncover the problems. No, he was never abused or such. He just puts too much into his work life and not enough to our life at times. I remember an annniversary day cruise ten years ago. All couples aboard had anniversary and were excited to share a happy day. Photos were taken and you can see in my face the knowledge that for me it was an empty show.

My happiness is through my paintings, children, music and a close friend who knows the truth. I can at least speak of this and have some emotional support.

This assexualism is often seen as if the woman has somehow failed. She is judged not exciting enough or sexual enough or attractive. I remember my mother said she never had "that problem" in her marriage. I felt punished again to be so judged.

This problem is far more common than is thought. The advice columns continue to exploit women as one who is frigid or not interested in the sexual part of marriage. I say there are many men who act pretty normal and have low libido and no interest. I know this too well. I have been very fortunate to keep in my heart a man I repect who is decent and works hard for my welfare. It is a great shame he does not wake up to the loss of the years without intimacy.

Do not let the years slip by without trying every tool for change from counselling to medical evaluation. We tried some of this but I think he is happy with things as they stand. We survive alright as long as I do not discuss the problem. It helps a little to post here and hear others and how they cope. I try to produce beautiful paintings and feel happy when I do them.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 13th June 2007 at 07:26 PM.
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