Thread: Baronness
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Old 26th August 2011, 05:03 PM   #71
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Helen, I have at no time resented anything you said to me and in fact, I thought we had good words between us. I don't understand why you think I'm so defensive when it was only 1aokgal's post that I objected to. I went back and read the posts and everything seemed fine to me, everyone was helpful and I got no bad vibes from anyone.

1aokgal, seems like you are playing the martyr now because I objected to your harshness in your post. Don't I have a right to object or am I supposed to just say nothing like everyone else? I have told you many times that you have helped me in more than one way and I felt a connection with you, which is why I was so surprised at the things you say and mainly the way you said them.

We've already been over this many times and I've said I learned from it anyway and realized some things about myself and that I would try and not take it personally when someone says things that I think are inappropriate. I also admitted that you were right in that my posts were kind of depressing because I went back and read them, and also I was posting every little thing which I won't do anymore but I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong or incorrect at the time.

I do not wish to rehash this over and over again, saying the same things. Let's just set the record straight right now; I am sorry if anyone got offended by anything I did or said, but let the punishment fit the crime and lets not crucify me for not knowing exactly how to post. This has turned into a big deal and it shouldn't since I have already said I was wrong in a few of the postings.

I resent having to keep apologizing, it was an honest mistake.

Chosen, I thank you for trying to help me and caring enough to look beyond everything else to encourage me. I'm glad you understand about the sticking up for your husband part. However; if I hadn't revealed so much about him then people wouldn't have said what they did and not all of it was negative, so I guess I asked for that.

In reading my previous posts I saw that you told me a while back not to put expectations onto my h but to accept him the way he was. I was not ready to accept that advice at the time. My expectations didn't come from an image such as a hero in a movie or novel. I've always just known the way it should be between christian husband and wives.

I was raised my a christian woman and so my expectations came from what I was taught but I was judging him by what I think he should be like and I can't do that because a marriage is accepting the flaws in each other and loving them anyway. I have accepted a lot of hurt caused by him in the past and I was hanging on to all those memories.

I am trying to live in the moment now and put the past where it goes, in the past. This has been a hard lesson to learn and it isn't easy to forget wrongs that have been done to you but if Jesus can forgive us for things we've done then I should be able to do the same. I have a bit of a perfectionist in me and that's why I was frustrated that he wasn't handling things the way he should.

To me there is a right and wrong way to do and say things and there is no in between but perhaps I should change the way I see things regarding that too. To me everything has always been black and white with no gray areas and when this ed happened and he wouldn't admit it or even try to bring us physically together, that fell in the 'wrong and black' area and it frustrated me.

I guess the same thing happened when I read 1aokgals post a few days back, that was also in that category and I realize I can't react to everything in life with those standards, at least not in this relationship. I have realized that now. It was my own standards that set my expectations of him in motion and there was no way this could have worked out okay.

We can't always have it the way we want and people do not always react the way we want and they definitely don't say the things we would want them to say. Others may think I have been presumptuous from things I've said but I had a reason for thinking and saying them. Now I want to go forward with God's help to a life that can be happy.

I just had to get myself out of the way first. My whole attitude has changed since I've been posting on here and I have gotten so much closer to God that I never want to go back to the way it was. Trials will come, whether it be from something someone has said or done, but it is like a purification process.

If you pass this test then you have achieved something, if you don't you will have to pass it some time in the future because this is God's way of molding you into what he wants you to be. My way of thinking about my man was wrong, as was my constant complaining, even if it was to myself mostly. God wanted to weed this out of me and in the long run I think it will make me a better person.

I have no expectations that life will just be peaches and cream from now on. I know that things will happen that will upset me and I know I will still have days where he frustrates me, but I need to just turn all of my burdens over to God instead of getting upset and lashing out and telling myself that I don't have to put up with this, I can just leave him.

You do encourage me, Chosen. What you have said to me is mostly all scripture and you have some very good points and so did Forever in her last post. It was because of what she said about my h that I started thinking differently. It isn't good to just be satisfied with the way you are and refuse to budge. To think you are right and everyone else is wrong.

Fortunately I can change things about my life and the way I think while others don't want to change because they think they are right and they refuse to see anything else. I think my h is a little like this but I have seen God work in his life, speak to him and his mind was changed. I hope he is still open to God.

Its as if I was walking around with heavy armor on my back and I was just dragging it along, sometimes barely able to move forward, and then God came along and tried to remove it off my back but I wouldn't let him by my refusal to see that he could help me. Then it seemed to get heavier and heavier as storms came and then finally I looked up and said I wanted his will and he removed the heavy armor and not I am walking straight and the weight has lifted.

This is a happy ending I can claim and I can have it right now.