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Old 23rd December 2013, 12:55 PM   #18
Car111
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Re: Hoping to move forward

Hi Roses and chosen,

There were many reasons that he left, I came to find out later. There was no infidelity going on. There were many issues and resentments that he had toward me that he kept hidden inside and didn't tell me about until the bomb drop of "i no longer love you" and even since reconciling now. He has started to talk to his IC about them.

His biggest issue, that he mentioned at bomb drop time was that he feels that I don't trust him. I have had some insecurity issues and jealousy and it has lead to him feeling all sorts of resentment towards me through the years.

He pointed out the other day that he came to a realization during his last counseling session. He believes our troubles began about 10 years ago when he had moved 1.5 hrs away and I pressured him to let me move in with him. He said, he feels like ever since then our problems started, ,mostly because he felt like his freedom had been taken away. He feels most of our arguments now stem from that. When I talked to my counselor about this issue last week I thought back about this experience and came to realize that my actions were driven out of fear that he was moving far away and I was afraid I would lose him.

A few years ago my mother passed away, and she was my best friend, my one true person in life I could lean on and trust. It devastated me. I leaned on my husband for support and even asked him to do specific things that I thought would help me get through the grieving, but he didn't do any of the things I asked. A lot of our family burden fell on him as he had to take care of the children often by himself. He ended up feeling A LOT of resentment toward me for having to carry this burden while I grieved. :/ So I guess we are BOTH pretty upset about that issue still.

So those are our main issues.

Raymond, I hope I can express to my husband how important the affection is to me, as he just doesn't seem to get it. Right now he is focusing on the fact that he needs to be able to 'feel it' in order to act on it, that he can't do it if it doesn't feel natural. Hopefully we can work on it.

thanks everyone!
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