Originally Posted by 1aokgal

Dear Edgy,
I have followed your posts from te beginning although it is hard to follow your thread as there are changing dynamics and you are sometimes very hurt and angry. Are you older than your husband? You were pleased with his admiration and compliments at the beginning of your relationship. You have a high need that others think well of you while at the same time you do well in your career path, you often lack confidence in social dealings. Especially where men are concerned it seems you mask the insecurity with dominance and control. You indicated your mother in law said at the beginning she hoped to separate you from her son.

I have to tell you that Latin mothers can be particularly smothering and your husband often fails to live up to your idea he should be stronger or more masculine. So in one way you want him to be a strong male, but are you seem to carry the most aggressive nature there can't be two bulls in the ring! I think that mother can either be your greatest foe or your greatest advantage, if you reflected more of what she wants for her son. Your desires are centered around your need to excel by pursing the MBA when the timing seems wrong where the finances re very poor. If you were working again, even just a decent job, not the executive you could be less dependent on his mother as he lives with her. He is not doing well, but provides for his mother. which many sons will do. I put a paid tuition scholarship aside to accompany my husband back to Germany for his career, otherwise I would be going to school here alone while he worked there. It was a three year deferment of my goals. I didn't apply for that went we got back and worked my way through, so it took longer.

It also sounds as if you clock is running on having a family. Any mother of a European man will see that wife who puts the children aside, as not having focus on the family. Most men are close to a mother and if you had a child, you would better understand that her focus is to have grandchildren and see her son has a woman who puts focus around him. My focus has always been around my husband . My German mother-in-law as I was older than her son, divorced and with a child. Nothing, was more important to me than what my husband wants and I put my own ambition to the side for that focus. When you are insecure as a woman, you tell your husband there are men who pursue and will do whatever you want. Never tell a man that...even if when you go tot the store they chase you down the street! It is no compliment to any woman that men are in hot pursuit because it does NOT matter your appearance, age, or attractiveness these men are in heat and will chase a goat! I don't feel better about myself because some idiot comes on to me somewhere. Perhaps that is your way to hurt him as you say he "rejected you" to say no to some things sexually.

Perhaps you are more adventuresome sexually and he is rather unsophisticated or not as experienced. and he may lac imagination sees sex in a narrow way. I will tell you this..that sex inthat you seem to need more adventure in the bedroom. Car sex may turn YOU on sexually, but that scenario can put you both in severe , life threatened danger. There are disgusting animals who prey on couples who make out in the car in lovers' lane places. They prey on these areas and rape the woman in front of the husband and brutalize both sexually. There many killings of young couples who were murdered because they chose a thrill instead of the safety in the home bedroom. It seems there has been a two year period when you had problems with relating to him sexually and perhaps this element of voyeurism zapped it up. Maybe that choice of lovemaking spot adds an edge.

You look like a really nice couple and the image you posted. He is handsome and kind looking. I will tell you if you don't alter your focus to make HIM the center of your world, that marriage will be history. His mother should be close to you, as she is to her son. Love is about making him and his family YOUR center. You cannot find happiness in an MBA certificate hung on your wall. You might find happiness, if you have his children with your husband, and work around your family to make what you can to live better, and make it about your home and not about YOU.

I completed my educational goals but it took me longer to do it. You have to put the reality of your living situation before scholastic goals at times. I thought I would be the major breadwinner, as I was at times ,while my husband had job problems. It ended up that he far excelled my expectations when I continued to work to support his career when it was necessary to do that for a time.
We are together 35 years and I would put him first every time! My mother-in-law dotes on me, because she knows I put her son first. Love is about putting the other person before yourself.

I do not mean to hurt you, but I think until you put the focus on the most important thing..your love for him..you will not be happy. Never say things you will regret nor try to "make him sorry." I think you have made some serious mistakes in th emarriage. No, it sure is not all your fault. It takes two to mess up! You see things as a person who needs approval so badly, you will destroy the se elife you have. See if you can get into counseling with him. Easter might bring a rebirth if you learn to see things not all about you..but about the two of you.