Thread: I can't let go!
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Old 3rd September 2013, 09:21 PM   #2
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: I can't let go!

Hi Pamela,

I'm so sorry to hear of your story. You have been a loving supporting wife, raised 3 children, worked your back side off to provide for your family, given him the freedom he wanted (way too much but sometimes we do these things) and he has taken you for granted in a big way for many many years. Never taking you on holiday and forgetting your Birthday is just terrible in my opinion. He sounds like he has always put himself first.

I'm no expert at all but my advice would be to give him an ultimatum. At the moment he is having his cake and eating it! - whist this is available, he is not going to change. Why would he? - you still want him, you're still having sex with him. I know you said you're not sure he even wants the sex but at the moment, he really does have the best of both worlds.

Is he having a physical affair? - we don't know. But he is certainly having an emotional one and in my experience, they are worse as it's not just physical, it comes from the heart.

I don't know how old your children are but I would seek legal advice on how to best go about getting him out of the family home on a trial separation or worst case scenario you move out - but you MUSN'T loose out financial. Maybe with nobody around all the time, he may realise that the grass isn't greener on the other side, it's like someone once commented on here "a sess pitt covered in 4 inches of moss!"

Having said all this - it does sound very much like your husband may well not change his ways. he may have taken you for granted for too long. It's amazing that someone can do this after 29 years but as I am finding out since being on this site, it's happening all the time. I hope not having you there may make him see the light.

You've been together a lifetime and i'm not saying give up but if i'm being 100% honest with you, I think you deserve far better. Why accept someone who doesn't love you the way you love them or doesn't treat you the way you know you deserve to be treated? - I know it's incredibly tough because this is all you have ever known. This situation isn't what you want but it is what it is and you need to take action or you are just going to be miserable.

Regardless of what happens, you need to start rebuilding your own life starting right now. Take up a new hobby, get a massage, get your hair done, pedicure, go shopping, start thinking about no 1. I think this is really important.

I wish you all the best and will monitor your post.

Last edited by ronnoco; 3rd September 2013 at 09:36 PM.
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