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Old 5th September 2012, 09:24 PM   #3
RedRiderRS
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Re: Husband Has Rage Issues- Should I Leave?

1aokgal...
Thank you for your reply.
My husband has not inflicted any physical abuse on me thus far, but he does get very angry and throw things, break things, or just shuts down for hours and sometimes days and not speak to me. He also says he's a good husband because of all the things he provides for me (house, a nice car, allows me to have pets....). He throws these things in my face when we're arguing, uses them against me.
He is obsessive about money. His main prioity in life is not ever having to ask anyone for help. Granted, that is a great goal, but not at the expense of getting angry at yourself. For example, he had a gift card for Best Buy that he forgot to tell me about and I went and bought movies from WalMart. He was so mad at himself for his "screw up". He said, "it was a little screw up this time, but I refuse to be slack and have something worse happen." I know he sounds like a good provider and he is! He is a very dedicated worker. But it's the sheer desperation concering the finances that bothers me. He has a good job and he makes decent money. But most of the time he acts like we're about to enter the poor house. But then there are times when I take the initiative to show concern about the finances and question certain items that we don't need. I ask him if we're okay financially to purchase, say, a t-shirt I want. Sometimes he'll just smile, shrug, and say, "I don't know. We'll be fine." He's consistently inconsistent, if that makes any sense.
He does not ever drink alcohol, but he has been on anti convulsants since he was two years old. My dad swears that the medications play into his irrational behavior and I am sure he is right.
We did just have a fight in which there was a misunderstanding between us. It could have been easily resolved with kindness and patience, but he flew off the handle at me and said that I never should have questioned him in the first place. He tells me that his reactions are due to my behavior and how I treat him or react to situations myself.
I do fear that I will hurt him if I leave and wonder if the marriage is faling because of me. When things are good, they're great. And since our last conflict he has been going out of his way to try and be loving. But I am simply unable to say that I am in love with him anymore. My tolerance for certain behaviors is worn down. Even if I don't do everything right all of the time, shouldn't I be able to expect him to still treat me with kindess?
I am working on getting employed. I am planning to work for a little while before I appraoch him about separation.
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