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Old 14th July 2013, 01:10 AM   #2
Forever
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,408
Re: Need some help...

Hi Lauren,
Sorry to hear that you are going through this crisis! Do some detective work regarding his history on the Web. See if he is spending time viewing Porn (wanting anal sex is usually not a man's natural inclination or original idea).

THEN, If you find out that he is watching/importing the things he sees, that would account for his lack of emotional commitment towards you...meaning, he is in another world where love is being replaced by sexual mechanics instead. This is the "gift" that keeps on giving as forbidden images replace the love and physical attraction that once resided in the heart. Essentially, the brain is chemically rewired as the emotions are replaced with a dopamine rush (excitement) instead. Normal sex does NOT appeal to men who are into porn, and they become emotionally disconnected in all but of being willing to have fun and sex. As their guilt increases, they eventually become angry, withdrawn, and try to deflect their shame on to you by using some small thing you may say or do. Eventually, they cannot perform sex w/o using techniques they see online to get and keep themselves aroused...then they stop altogether, especially if you do not comply.

If I am right, your husband may not be MBing...but storing up the images and then using your body for release instead...so you dont suspect anything...this is what mine does so that I cannot accuse him of foul play. He thinks MBing is a worse sin than mental/emotional cheating somehow (aka lust).

I hope I am wrong about your husband...but I have experienced the same thing for the last seven years and have done years of research on this. I have caught my husband (60) repeatedly. He still cannot turn his brain around however...because even though there is no internet at our home...he still has it at work...plus a stream of live women daily to flirt with and fantasize about. Oh yes, he still compliments me on my general appearance and such...but it is just words to appease and keep me guessing because he knows I would cut him off completely if he admitted to what "moves" him towards me at this stage of the game....in other words, he would have to find a way to "repent"...and he has no intention or desire to do that. Our sex life is down to twice a month...time enough for an older man to fill his own cup and then purge.

He is corrupted beyond repair...I am just a piece of meat...a "hole" to finish himself off with whilst the flesh parade keeps playing endlessly in his mind. Otherwise, everything is just peachy in our lives (it really is)...we get on great as long as I dont question him about why he "wants" me...I already know why...but I refuse the anal sex or any other perversion he comes up with.

Just so you know, my husband has always been this way...with his first wife of 20 years before me too..they divorced because he took his fantasy life too far and tried to solicit sex from their teenage daughter one day when he was drinking. He cheated on her repeatedly and she was clueless till after their divorce. He had corrupted himself from an early age. I do believe he can love on some level...the friendship kind...but THIS ruins any real affection and deeper love or commitment. He does not cuddle me or show natural loving affection other than holding my hand in public...it is a foreign concept and annoyance to him.

Let us know if you find anything online...because apart from him having an interest in another woman, I can only see Porn as the hidden culprit by the way he is behaving towards you.

Last edited by Forever; 14th July 2013 at 02:25 AM.
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