Thread: Baronness
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Old 24th August 2011, 05:45 PM   #47
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Him working at the canyon has nothing to do with this. He's been up there since 2003. I do not come on here to get sympathy, I come on here to get another posters point of view. Being center stage never crossed my mind. The thing that brought us together is God and the fact that neither one of us is demanding and lets the other do what they want with full support, also we were attracted to one another and still are.

I never wanted to change him and I didn't want to take a 'bad boy' and fix him. It is not my job to fix him or any man I've been with, I have always accepted men the way they are because you cannot change another person. We have a very strong love between us and I understand that you don't get the volunteering and doing something just because you love it but I am very proud of him for this.

I don't need an ego boost, as you call it and I've already stated that there are times when he does talk to me, just not as much as I would like but that's something I just have to accept about him and I have until this ed thing. He is very much the domesticated type, we have been together for nine years and have worked as a unit to create a beautiful home and we see eye to eye on almost everything.

As for going to the doctor, you know from your own personal experience that there are men who won't go and even if they do will not try to work on things. He is not with holding sex as payback or any other reason, he has ed and doesn't want to risk disappointing me, its as simple as that. As Forever said, he is older, nine years older than me and he has to do something with his life so he volunteers and paints once in awhile.

He is retired and he doesn't have to go out and find a job, he had to retire early and this put him in a tailspin because he was used to working. I really don't think the harshness of your last posting was necessary and I was actually shocked to read the things you wrote. It's like you are dictating to everyone how they should post and I wasn't aware that anyone was in charge on this site. I know that is your opinion but if you'd said those things to anyone but me it could have caused a lot of damage.

I have to admit that I was upset last night thinking about what you said and how you said it and couldn't quite believe you were saying those things to me. You yourself have repeated yourself as to what a wonderful life you had before your h starting not wanting sex. I don't consider a few beers once in awhile an alcoholic problem. He is dealing with everything the best he can and he has to deal with a lot, the affects of the economy, getting older and carrying the whole burden of the household.

I don't believe in just putting the whole financial responsibility on the man when you can help with working or whatever. It is a unit, you work together, not depend on a man to take care of you. You know that because you make your own living. I didn't marry him so he would take care of me, I can take care of myself and in time I will again. He has been very generous with money from time to time and does nice things for me, he bought me this new computer I am on now and many times just gives me money to go shopping.

We do have other things in common, we are both big football and basketball fans and enjoy watching it together and even going to the bar for the superbowl party to be with friends. We also enjoy spending time with my family. We used to go out to dinner a lot and to the movies and still go to the movies once in awhile. This isn't about controlling another person or demanding answers.

As a christian woman I don't feel the need to demand anything because that is just forcing him to tell you what you want to know. He usually tells me eventually but I just get frustrated when I am confused. I am confused now because I don't know what you expect me to do now that you've accused me of wanting sympathy and posting too much about my life. What else am I going to talk about?

Aren't we all on here to talk about our life and the problems we are now facing? It was my understanding that this is what this post was for, and now you tell me I'm taking up someone else's time and that I shouldn't be saying what I have said. Are there rules for this thread that I am unaware of? I've already told you that I have decided not to dwell on this so much anymore and you are the one that is still talking about my posts and what I shouldn't be doing.

I think its important for all of us to think carefully before telling someone what to do or not to do. The wrong words, or harsh words can destroy a person and I'm not just talking about me here. A weaker person might not be able to handle it. It isn't up to another person to judge whether my h should go out and get a job or he should do this or that.

God has the power to change anyone, he's changed me already in a couple of months, so it isn't up to us to say this man or that man is just the way he is and will never change and that he is selfish or cruel. I have a good man who is dealing with a lot and the atmosphere around here has lightened up considerably.

I do enjoy making the hats and having my mind on other things but that isn't going to fix any problem I am now dealing with. I enjoy it because it gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment and I will continue to do so because it makes me happy. It cannot take the place of what is lacking here but I have turned it over to God and he alone knows the mind of a man or woman heart.

I am not asking for my h to change, things happen in a marriage and this is just one of them. My posts are about me dealing with not knowing what was wrong and bouncing it off others to get a clearer understanding and this I have accomplished. 1aokgal, you have helped me quite a lot during this time and I do thank you for helping me see that sometimes its good to focus on something else.

I was reminded of the good things in my h through posts on here and also reminded that this isn't an earth shattering thing but it sure feels like it when it first happens to you. You have dealt with this for a long time, many years, I have not and I am just doing the best I can. Don't you remember how hard it was for you at first to deal with this? Didn't you think about it constantly and were frustrated and confused?

I have thought about not posting on here anymore because your words confused me and yes, upset me a great deal, but I need to know from everyone here if I am still welcome here. If everyone feels the way 1aokgal feels then I will find another post or not talk to anyone about it. I don't intend to rehash things that have already happened but I don't want confrontation either or to feel bad about what someone has said.

My email is janlestat@gmail if any poster feels uncomfortable about addressing this subject on this thread. I am not apologizing anymore. 1aokgal, in fairness to you I think that maybe you didn't intend to insult me or criticize me and I've always admired you. It seemed deliberate to me but I am done with jumping to harsh conclusions and sometimes that is hard.
Regardless of what goes on from here regarding this thread, I do want to thank you for taking the time with your advice on the hats.