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Old 19th March 2013, 06:12 PM   #3
1aokgal
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Re: I feel betrayed!

Hi Sirleo...

Welcome to the forum. There are several issues you mentioned in your arranged marriage to an Indian girl. As this was set up by others, possibly familes, there is sure to be a normal time of adjustment. Two people need to get to know each other. If this girl is a sensitive, probably young and inexperienced girl, in marriage to a virtual stranger there may be fear and pain. This girl married a man she did not choose. You mentioned there was sex only once since you married. If this sex act was to consummate the marriage, it makes a huge difference what happened in that act. How patient and gentle that sex act was may be the reaon there has been no sex since. Maybe this girl had little information or preparation for marriage.

It is up to the man to realize that warm feelings grow where there is kindness and time spent to know her needs and desires.

I am not in a country where we practice or approve of arranged marriages. I do know two couples from other cultures, who have long, happy unions from that beginning. A bride is not a dog that one brings home from the store on approval. She is not there, in this marriage, to work for you or enhance your income by her efforts. A marriage is between two people who care about each other and eventually, to have a family. Maybe you entered this arranged marriage for other reasons.

This problem with Chilblains is usually not one that alters life and is a mild malady. I did some reading on the condition. There is the need to dress warm, and take reasonable precautions against severe cold. This is no medical condition that nullifies an existing marriage under any conditions! There was no "fraud," that you were sold a bill of goods, in this arranged marriage. There is no "try it, before you buy it" situation. A predisposition to Chilblains will not prevent her from living a full life or cause her disability. IF you don't like what you got...improve the marriage. Your new wife may not like what she got either.

Maybe your new wife thought she would marry a man who would show her love and understanding? Maybe she believed her husband would guide her to understanding the intimate part of a marriage? Maybe that beginning of intimacy was not kind or done in a sensitive way, and now there is a problem. If it was forced, than it is a rape, and not a loving act any woman would forgive or desire to repeat. Only you know if that bedroom experience set a tone that now is a problem for the two of you.

A woman who has a good lover as a husband, generally will come to enjoy and participate in the intimate parts of life together. Get to know this lady and make your life together one that is happy and complete. Life in Canada will be no hardship with reasonable precautions to dress warm and avoid extreme exposure to winter. What did you expect of thie arranged marriage? Why did you select a bride from India?

Last edited by 1aokgal; 19th March 2013 at 06:26 PM.
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