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Old 23rd August 2017, 07:49 PM   #5
TJW
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 43
Re: My husband sent messages to a prostitute

Quote:
Originally Posted by twinkletwinkle
Do I just need to let it go and try one last time?
No, and yes.

You cannot "just let it go". You need to negotiate with your husband to get the truth to the level at which you can know everything you are forgiving, and make an appropriate decision based upon the whole story.

Then, you need to figure out some appropriate requests for your husband going forward. Accountability, shared passwords, the things which would make you feel secure in the truth of what he has told you. Means by which you can verify what he says.

At some future point, the verification process should stop. But, I don't think a period of 2 or 3 years is unreasonable to negotiate for.

If you don't give it a "negotiated" and "educated" try, then any "try" will be insufficient to meet your security needs going forward in your marriage. I'm afraid you will regret not giving the negotiated and educated "try" if you don't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by twinkletwinkle
I guess that's where trust comes in.
No. Dr. Phil once made a comment that he has a dog who he would trust with his life, but not with his sandwich

Your husband has not kept his promise of fidelity. There is no possible way in which you can "trust" him with this. If it is possible to "trust" him in other aspects of your life together, then exercise trust there. But, for the present distress, VERIFY when it relates to his fidelity. With his permission and his agreement to allow verification.

He must know that you aren't imposing a "life sentence", but that he must EARN your trust in regards to his fidelity to you and to his marriage.

Last edited by TJW; 23rd August 2017 at 07:55 PM. Reason: add further comment
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