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Old 13th October 2011, 01:20 AM   #28
lovingfatherandhusband
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Re: Wife wants "space" and is moving out

The reason I did that was because I didn't want her to regret anything. She had always talked about getting an opportunity like this. She even told me that "I have to apply for it." I told her you don't have to do anything... her reason she had to apply was because for the past year her company had her in management training. I said it didn't matter if she didn't want it. I said I think you should apply for it at least. I can't say I MADE her do it, but I definitely helped push her to do it. Ultimately it was her decision. After she applied I worked diligently on the budget to make it so she could be a stay at home mom. We had it all set up for her to stay home then the day before we were to meet with friends to tell them she would babysit for them she got the offer. I actually told her that I wouldn't be upset at all if she decided not to take the position because I really liked the idea of her staying home with our daughter the more I thought about it. But they gave her everything she asked for so she took it knowing she could always quit if she didn't like it. Did she have to take the position if she didn't want it? Not at all, would I have been upset... not a bit. When it came to my wife I would do anything and everything to give her whatever I could. You can ask anyone. Yes I was selfish on certain things, but if I knew she wanted something I gave it to her if I was able to give it. The problem was, I couldn't give her the affection because I didn't know how. Through therapy I am learning why I am this way and how to change it... just wish I would've gone sooner.

Do I regret that she took the job? HELL YES! Do I think that I could have done a lot of things differently? HELL YES! Do I think she could have done a lot of things differently? HELL YES! Can I do anything now? Yes, learn from my mistakes and make sure I am a better person in the future. I am focusing on my daughter now and making sure she has the best life possible. Can't live in the past though.

Am I controlling? Not nearly as bad as you claim I am. When it came to finances, yes I was scared to spend money. But that is why I thought we were so good together... she liked to spend and I liked to save. That way we balanced each other out, it worked so well for 4 years (at least I thought). We had everything we could want when it came to material stuff. When I was younger I lost everything I had twice in house fires so I'm not the type to care to have nice things, but she grew up having the best of the best. So we were a little different on that front.

I think that the biggest problem we had was the communication on the health issues. I had cancer when I was ten and almost died (had 10-20% chance to live)... through therapy I am learning that I approach life differently than her. I am a do as much as I can while I am on this earth type of person, while she is a conserve her energy so she can be here as long as possible type of person. Neither of us knew that and we always butted heads on it. I'd want to go hang out with friends, go camping, skiing, etc... while she wanted to stay at home and be in bed by 9pm. The first 2 years of our relationship she was nothing like that it changed after we got married so I had no clue. I tried going to her doctor's appointments but she never would let me go. I tried to get her to go to my doctor's appointments but she would never go.

Yes I know it sounds like we were so incompatible but we did a lot together. We had a lot of fun together. We offset each other in so many ways. I loved it and she did too. She was my best friend, I told her EVERYTHING. The problem was that we didn't know how to communicate in each other's language. It is quite unfortunate too because now a beautiful little baby girl has to pay for the consequences of our failure. It tears me up inside... I wish there was a way I could convince her to at least go to therapy with me before we finalize the divorce just to give it a shot. But there isn't, she has emotionally detached herself from me so I can only focus all my energy on our beautiful daughter.
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