2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums - View Single Post - Wife left

Forever · 14th February 2013, 04:25 PM

Your wife is mentally/emotionally ill. You trying to understand every tiny bit of the twists and turns of that illness will drive you nuts and to despair. She needs professional help in order to see that she is living in a time warp of yesteryear...a continual backlash caused by the strain of not being able to sort what she needed but did not receive from her own family...she has become her own worst enemy...and now... everyone else's.

Your family cannot be held hostage to her, nor should YOU be. That sort of destructive thinking serves no one, and your children will have their own emotional/mental health forged by what they experience as she "imprints" her illness on to them. If you allow her to continue to call the "shots" and emotionally blackmail you, she will never come out into reality and get a healthy perspective of what a family should mean to each other.

You are too close to the tree to see the forest...and you will always be blamed somehow whenever you try to be reasonable. Your family did nothing to deserve her disdain, and you responding to her by hiding your desire to keep in contact with them is NOT betrayal...it is simply fear resulting from her manipulation of you. She is actually the one betraying her own husband...demanding that you go along with her desire to isolate, using the ring (a token of your love and desire to please her to prove her point), leaving you and your children...is extreme and obviously very hurtful.

Stand your ground and let the storm blow with full fury against you as a tree firmly rooted. Repair the damage with YOUR family by explaining to them that you will have normal contact with them in the future, and tell your wife that this will be the case from now on...that you love her, but she is ill and this can no longer be tolerated. Tell her she needs help...that we all do from time to time and that her time to get that help is well over due.

You have gone along with her for so long that I am surprised that you have any feelings left for anyone except for her...that is what she wants, and that is what she will continue to get if you allow this to go unresolved, especially if you buckle to her now that she has put everyone and everything on the line. So it is Valentines Day...big deal. When is SHE going to learn to love others?

14th February 2013, 04:25 PM	#14
Forever Registered User Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 1,408	Re: Wife left - because of extended family Your wife is mentally/emotionally ill. You trying to understand every tiny bit of the twists and turns of that illness will drive you nuts and to despair. She needs professional help in order to see that she is living in a time warp of yesteryear...a continual backlash caused by the strain of not being able to sort what she needed but did not receive from her own family...she has become her own worst enemy...and now... everyone else's. Your family cannot be held hostage to her, nor should YOU be. That sort of destructive thinking serves no one, and your children will have their own emotional/mental health forged by what they experience as she "imprints" her illness on to them. If you allow her to continue to call the "shots" and emotionally blackmail you, she will never come out into reality and get a healthy perspective of what a family should mean to each other. You are too close to the tree to see the forest...and you will always be blamed somehow whenever you try to be reasonable. Your family did nothing to deserve her disdain, and you responding to her by hiding your desire to keep in contact with them is NOT betrayal...it is simply fear resulting from her manipulation of you. She is actually the one betraying her own husband...demanding that you go along with her desire to isolate, using the ring (a token of your love and desire to please her to prove her point), leaving you and your children...is extreme and obviously very hurtful. Stand your ground and let the storm blow with full fury against you as a tree firmly rooted. Repair the damage with YOUR family by explaining to them that you will have normal contact with them in the future, and tell your wife that this will be the case from now on...that you love her, but she is ill and this can no longer be tolerated. Tell her she needs help...that we all do from time to time and that her time to get that help is well over due. You have gone along with her for so long that I am surprised that you have any feelings left for anyone except for her...that is what she wants, and that is what she will continue to get if you allow this to go unresolved, especially if you buckle to her now that she has put everyone and everything on the line. So it is Valentines Day...big deal. When is SHE going to learn to love others? Last edited by Forever; 15th February 2013 at 12:45 AM.