Thread: Having affair
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Old 17th March 2009, 06:49 PM   #3
Ageing Grace
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 738
Re: Having affair

Hello!

I'm not going to judge you, either - what's happened is understandable and fairly commonplace.

I think you and your girlfriend both know the only way to limit the damage to all concerned. I'm sorry for the pain this will cause you both.

As it happens, I don't believe affairs are always wrong. In your case, there are 3 big reasons why yours is wrong for you now:
  1. You and your wife have a good relationship.
  2. You have two very small children.
  3. Your wife is sexually inexperienced.

This last one is what LL picked up on ... How can I put this sensitively? As your wife has only experienced the one lover (you), she doesn't yet know whether she has untapped depths of sexuality - and neither do you, yet! Although you're more experienced - and more sexually comfortable - than she is, it's still pretty likely that none of your other partners shared her exact physical & emotional makeup.

As she couldn't know what her sexual preferences are, she couldn't tell you. And, as each woman is different, you couldn't magically know for her!

Basically, RK, you seem to have a good marriage with one bit missing. It seems as if you might still find the missing part, with a different approach. It's a pity we can't successfully divide our needs between various partners but, as you know all too well, people aren't made that way. I think you need to put all your love and affection back into your marriage, at least until you've gone some way further towards fixing it.

Sexual incompatibility does give rise to stress & awkwardness, so I feel LL's suggestion of a sex therapist for the two of you is the right one. You may have to visit a couple of them before you find one both you and your wife trust. But it's worth it

My very best wishes. Good luck!
AG
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