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Old 28th January 2012, 01:40 PM   #6
bandit0000
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 400
Re: How do I move on?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigh View Post
Thanks for your reply.

She is determined that it is over, she has said about having time to herself for "head space" and thinking about what she wants - but has probably just said that to soften the blow for me.

I feel that she may never have fully fully loved me, that see possibly wanted me but that she really needed me. Now she is so far into her AA recovery the need element has gone, and there is little else. I have always been committed to her but the last couple of years have seen her committment to me vanish. Her guilt is shown in the offer of me keeping my savings.

The AA way is to concentrate on yourself and that is what she is now doing. One area that is difficult is that while I (a 47 year old man) am in tears she comes across as totally matter of fact and its almost like she is enjoying seeing my pain. I lot of the support I gave her through alcoholism isn't appreciated as the AA way is to view it that I was helping her to drink by covering up for her - I should have let her get on with it and face the consequences herself.

We had 6 sessions at Relate in 2010 but I feel that her mind was already closed to a relationship with me, so anything I did was doomed to fail.
Mmmmm, its a hard one, seems this AA thing obviously is all about her (which is maybe what it needs to be to help her with that addiction), but in essence has made her selfish to your needs?

She has said she needs head space and I would take that at face value (for now), my H never said that to me and left me in no doubt he didn't want me. So I would say at least for now just accept that. I have been there with the crying thing and they do seem so cold to you, I really don't understand how they can, but feel they have the shutters down to everyone's feelings but their own to enable them to cope and be able to do what they are doing. Its really horrible to see that blank coldness in their face where you used to see caring.

Its early days yet, obviously she has a lot of problems, I know you feel she doesn't need you now and understand you questioning if she ever loved you, have you asked her this?

She is too tied up in herself at the moment I'm afraid and I hope she realises what she is losing. xx
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