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Old 23rd February 2012, 09:43 AM   #7
1aokgal
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Re: really messed up

Tonyw..

I say this in great sincerity, keep your mouth shut about the details. That would double the pictures she has in her head. It would confirm you as she imagines and some ugly pcitures. No amount of cleaning that up is going to make hearing the details better for her. Neither will it help for you to demean the woman involved by blaming her sexuality, enticements or persuasions as to why you made the bad choices all that time. Be a gentlemen and say little and just tell her you did a terrible lack in judgment and learned a bitter lesson.

Don't put a number on the times together and don't paint a picture.

If it costs you a longer time for her to forgive you for withholding information, it will still spare you both years of rehashing the details in future. I never asked my husband to give me numbers or details about women in his life. He was smart enough to realize it was best if he glossed over the details and just stated some facts. I never told him my history, but the bare facts. I was not going to discuss that with him either. It was not necessary to share intimate information. We did not build on the bones of yesterday.

In this case, your wife learned you lack integrity or moral judgment . In order to change that view is going to take a lot of regret and atonement on your part. You don't need to paint her a picture of what she suspects or dreads to know. Turn that around, you would not want to hear that about her in a same situation. Regardless of what she says, it would be your second biggest regret about this sad story.

You have sincere sorrow about the hurt you have given her. She needs time (and space) to heal and work through this event. You are probably her least favorite person about now so I would do some nice things without asking for a return in favors as helping her at the house or something, but don't crowd if she prefers not to see you for awhile.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 23rd February 2012 at 08:18 PM.
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