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Old 13th January 2014, 10:48 PM   #203
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: I don't love my wife and never have...

hobson, all I can say it that I didnt do any 'tick boxing' with my husband. I just knew within a very short time that he was the one. There was never a moments doubt then, nor has ever been since, 9 years later. I just knew inside. Had I had any doubts, I would never have married him, but I had that total assurance from God from the beginning that it was in His will.

I don't see the problems as being her good or bad character points so much, but of the fact that you don't really love her in the way that we should love someone if we are to marry them, and the fact that you dont even find her physically or sexually attractive now, (let alone as she ages more). Its vital for a woman to know that her husband finds her alluring and sexy, and women can nearly always tell if he doesn't. I once read that a husband is like his wife's mirror, and she will see herself as HE sees her.It doesn't matter how physically attractive a lady is in the worldly sense, as long as her husband finds her sexy and attractive, she will see her self that way.

You seem to have been seeing her for quite some time, and yet you are still not at peace. To me that speaks volumes.

There is a massive difference between your case, where you aren't even engaged, and the people who come here who are married AND have children to think of. To marry a person when you dont really love them as more than a good friend is surely asking for trouble. The other people are already married and have small children to think about. Marriage is a serious covenant, and you cant just end it because you don't love someone enough, at least if you are a Christian who wants to follow God.

You speak of arranged marriages, but we don't have arranged marriage in our faith. I am sure that some in arranged marriages do grow to love each other as they get to know one another, but many dont. You already know this lady and that type of love isn't there.

You cant leave the subject of children till after marriage, its far far too important. You have to be on the same page as to whether you want children or not.

MY advise if you haven't got that assurance, would be to have a time apart, maybe 3-6 months, and pray and seek God in this. Ask her to do the same, and ask trusted friends to do the same. Only He knows the future and what will happen if you did get married. God once said to me, dont settle for second best, and I waited 6 years for the best man for me. This lady may or may not be Gods choice of wife for you, but if you marry her without that assurance from God, you may live to regret it. Its a massive decision, and you need to be 100% sure.

Last edited by chosen; 13th January 2014 at 10:59 PM.
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