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Old 17th April 2014, 05:52 PM   #11
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: 20 years Trapped

No it isn't compulsory. I'm reminded of Jane Eyre when the minister thought she would be the perfect co missionary for him, but she didn't love him and went back to Rochester. She would have been squashed into a role not made for her. God wants you to be yourself Freddo and not bow to peer pressure around you. You will never find your destiny that way. You are responsible for you and your own boundaries. Nobody else can do that for you. Also you are not responsible for anybody. We can be responsible to people but not for them. Every man should carry their own burden of themselves even though we can assist with their burdens plural.

It sounds to me like you have reached burnout and need to find good teaching on a retreat about it or something similar. Ellel Ministries do good residential courses where you can be yourself, get good teaching and get ministry. You need to get right out of the atmosphere of a Vicar's wife. I am not talking about your husband here just the role you feel pressured to perform. You sound close to a breakdown after all these years and something has to happen. Your husband has to know this and let you get the help or change of lifestyle you need. If you feel resentment then obviously you felt under compulsion to perform. Feeling free not to will release you to live from your heart. I think the Boundaries Book by Cloud and Townsend might help you here.
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