Thread: How to move on
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Old 23rd May 2011, 06:31 PM   #11
Lynn
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Re: How to move on

I have ordered the books, they are on their way. Cannot wait to read them.
I do feel so much better today knowing that I have friends to talk to.
I have never had professional help, some counselling years ago and I once joined an Adult Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse group. I have never stopped trying to find the answers but not always known where to look. I mainly read books, anything and everything on Abuse and relationships. There are so many issues to deal with but slowly but surely I am getting there.
This relationship, as dreadful as it has been has taught me the most about my past, it has been so painful at times and this has reminded me of how I felt as a child. Up until recently I could not feel anything from the past, I had been frozen in time, I had the memories but I could not remember feeling anything, I had spilt off from myself in order to endure the abuse.
I now have the memories with the feelings so I can heal.
I have not been able to connect emotionally or physically with a healthy man, I chose a man who is running away from himself, addicted to alcohol, who was emotionally and physically closed down, he could not be intimate. A perfect mate for a while.
I have tried every which way to love him but of course nothing has worked, he just keeps running away, but he has allowed me to show love and intimacy and feel safe.
The biggest test will be when I meet a healthy man.
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