Thread: Hope Springs
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Old 22nd September 2012, 12:40 AM   #10
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Hope Springs

[QUOTE=1aokgal;72241]Chosen..

Statistics read that the 7 year point is considered a danger area in marriage. Personally, I think the first 5 years are generally still in the honeymoon phase. It is surprising to see here many marriages of less than two years are often in trouble. I guess the statistics still reflect there are no guarantees in marriage and still 50% of marriages end in divorce.

It is also true today, there are more adults who choose not to marry but to live together as a primer for marriage. These arrangements actually show that most do not result in a later marriage and the couples split. These were entered into with the best intent at the inception. I think cohabitation is for sure a mistake for most women. Since there is no contractual bond between these people many who live together won't work through issues, but choose to bail out.

It would seem there would be less divorce or relationships that end badly, if the couple agree to attend premarital classes. Issues that can cause problems are discussed. How do people handle finances? How do they relate with others and family? Are there issues that the couple are reluctant to discuss in the blush of courting? I think the classes are a great idea and the marriage enrichment classes benefit couples.

In response to why I say 15 years together might be a good example of a working marriage is because it simply has survived. These couples have found ways to adapt and flourish in a difficult world. I also think some people just choose to be happy with whatever is their lot. Other people
can be always be moody depressive individuals who can't make adjustments to live with another.
It is where we choose to find ourselves in some cases. Again, this is my personal opinion.[/QUOTE]

I used to hear that also, but I must admit I have not know anyone of all those I know who divorced at around that 7 year time. I think that things are changing. I was reading recently that more and more couples are divorcing after long marriages when the children have left home and one or both spouses suddenly think that they have nothing in common any more. I even heard the other day about a couple in their 90's getting divorced. I mean why bother?!?!The marriages that I know that have ended(a lot of them) have nearly all been after 25 or more years.

We have been married for 7 years now, and as I said, we have never been happier. I am not sure about the honeymoon stage lasting 5 years, I would say it is shorter than that, but I cant say that our marriage has had stages like that, that I can recall. Its just all been good. Challenging at times, but amazing also. Second marriages have far more to deal with generally, with existing ex spouses and step children and more baggage because you are older and have been through more in life, so you do need to have a very strong bond anyway. We went through more together in the first year of our marriage, due mainly to outside events and people, than most have to deal with in 15 or 20 years, but each event seem to just made us stronger.

I do think that premarriage classes can be useful for some couples, especially the ones who dont live together first. My son and his then fiance went on one, and did enjoy it, but they have always been able to talk about anything and everything, and they were even discussing how many children they wanted on one of the first dates!My daughter couldnt go on one as her fiance lived some distance away, but went on a marriage course at her church not long after her wedding.

I was also interested to read recently that the divorce rate in the UK(which is 40%) has actually gone down in recent years.

Last edited by chosen; 22nd September 2012 at 12:46 AM.
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