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Old 2nd April 2008, 04:46 PM   #36
Susan Strict
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

1aokgal,

My husband had the same problem some years ago and the problem has now gone completely. He's as active as I could possibly wish.

I don't know what you have tried and not tried, and I don't want to offend anyone here by going into too many details, but a few thoughts for you:

1. Remember that "sex" between partners in a true relationship is lovemaking. It's an expression of your love and your desire to please each other physically as much as to please yourself. To have him please you, may be as important to him as his own pleasure. I can't put that any more clearly without being graphic about it.

2. You're never too old to flirt (with him, NOT anyone else!), and a relationship is never too old for something a little unusual, different or out of the ordinary. Can you talk to him about intimate matters? Many of us find it very difficult. Somewhere inside him is probably something that will excite the urge - and as long as it's not too bizarre for you to want to share with him then all you have to do is uncover it and do it. A bit of "reverse psychology" works wonders if you're trying to find out what's in his head - something like "I can't imagine people really wanting to do that" (he'll inevitably agree with you that he can't imagine anyone "wanting to do it" - but watch his expression/body-language closely, and IF it's right and IF you're happy with it too, then "I wonder what it feels like..." is a really useful phrase.) There's very little, in my opinion, that is "wrong" for a husband and wife to do together (if they both want to) in private, and the excitement of something new and different may be all that's needed.

3. Don't be afraid to take the lead. I don't mean leap on top of him unexpectedly (not unless you really want to!!), but if you always wait for him to make the first move then you might never get anywhere.

Good luck.
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