Thread: Baronness
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Old 13th November 2011, 05:41 PM   #159
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I never pretended that it was right to sleep with him without being married but when this relationship started I was not with God, so to speak. I always loved him but I was doing things that I knew were wrong, drinking, sex outside of marriage, etc. Now I am back with God and my thinking is different. I was always grounded in God and the bible when I was younger and I haven't forgotten anything about what sin is and I am accountable for what I am doing now.

I am sorry that you all feel you have been deceived but in my mind at the time I felt married and I can't explain to you how I felt but since you were all supposed to be christians I wanted to talk to a christian because most of my life, that's what I have been and even though I wasn't walking as God would want me to I still loved him but I did what I wanted instead of what he wanted.

I'd gotten advice from non christians and didn't like what I heard so I came on here and didn't really know you were christians at first and then when I discovered you were I decided to hear what you had to say and it helped me because I was starting to pray again and I had already asked God to forgive me for my sins and I knew that he had.

Gabby had asked me to marry him before we moved in together and then he asked me again, or reaffirmed it about a month ago. I had a talk with him two months agp and said if he didn't want to marry me then that was fine but that I wasn't going to go to hell over a man and that the bible says we are committing fornication. At that time we were not sleeping together so we weren't sinning but I stated the facts to him anyway.

He said he wanted to marry me but we didn't have the money and that he wanted to have a wedding in a church because of being married at vegas with his first wife who was pregnant and so they had to get married. We discussed getting married in Lake Tahoe and having a few friends. I gave him an out and he insisted he wanted to marry me and then again last month he said he loved me and wanted to marry me.

I didn't feel comfortable telling him he either marries me or I'm leaving so I prayed that God would deal with him about this and my mother prayed as well and that was when he asked me. I was very upset last night when I read forevers post but I understand why she would say such a thing. I felt that same way about other women who were not married.

I wouldn't feel this way at all if I hadn't gotten closer to God and put him first in my life but I have and I can't regret and while I might not agree with the way you have told me the things you have, I know that you are right. I don't have a problem facing things head on or admitting that I have been wrong but I didn't intend to deceive anyone, I was just trying to see how a christian woman would handle such a situation.

I did not think of it as lying to you or deceiving anyone, I was only trying to reach out and get answers for the problem and in the process I came back to God fullforce and so now I have to deal with the situation I had gotten myself in a long time ago. I thought it would be so different. When we moved in I assumed we were going to get married, but it wasn't all that important at that time.

Now it is important and I have stressed to him how important it is to me and when I told him what it says about it in the bible he said the bible is open to interpretation. Being a christian most of my life and being brought up in an assembly of God church, I cannot agree with what he said. The bible is not open to interpretation and I told him this, its quite simple and straight forward but this is how he believes.

He believes that because we love each other its okay. My love has always been so strong for him that I didn't want to leave him, I wanted us to get married and I do believe God had some work to do in him and I believe I helped bring this about by showing him love. But now I feel I've done all I can and my situation is not changing and so I find myself in this terrible position where I'm going to have to tell him that I can't stay with him if we aren't married.

He is not going to like this because he will see it as me giving him an ultimatum; either marry me or its over. I never wanted to do that but now there are other aspects of this relationship that aren't right and it seems as though I have to make a choice and I don't want to make it. He has a lot of pride and won't like being told what to do but I have already told him how I feel and it apparently doesn't really matter.

He says when things calm down financially then we will get married. The thing is, ladies, I shouldn't have to try and convince him to marry me. I never had to convince my ex husbands and every man I've known has wanted to marry me. I have given this man everything and I know he loves me and yet a year ago when we did have the money, he chose to spend it elsewhere instead of marrying me.

This is very hard, I hope you understand that. It is especially hard because I still have feelings for him and I will have to leave or ask him to leave and I can't support myself right now. I know the type of man he is and this isn't going to go well, he will see it as me threatening to leave unless he does what I say and what man would like that?

I can't live like this, I believe in the bible and I can't do this anymore. I have given him every chance to make this right and now I just can't do this because deep inside me I have always felt guilty for being in this situation. I brushed it aside and prayed that he would do the right thing, as my mother says, and now I believe that he probably won't.

We are not sleeping together and haven't for a long time but it occurs to me that this is probably the reason why things are continually going wrong for us. I know things happen in life but the bottom line is, regardless of how I got here, I now have to put it all right and this is very scary for me because that means giving up our home together and our life together as well.

Months ago I had tentatively formed a plan in my mind that by next May, when it will be our 10th anniversary, if we still aren't married then I was going to sit him down and tell him that I can't live without being married. Actually, I had this plan after the first year we were here but didn't follow through with it because my head was in a different place and it didn't seem all that important to me at the time.

Now I have to put that plan into motion except that I can't wait until next May. I have no where to go and i've said I don't want to just leave all my things behind. I have prayed about this and told God if he wanted to me leave then to please supply the means to do so. I have prayed this way since I got back to God and I still can't get a job and now my back is hurt and i'm waiting for the disability decision and I will be going to court over it this January.

Why didn't God allow me to get a job so I could be self sufficient? I took it as he wanted me to stay where I was for whatever reason and of course I've gotten closer to him since then. The only thing God has said to me through another christian is for me not to worry about the future, that he had everything under control.

I can't go stay with my mother because she has my brother living with her now because his marriage has fallen apart and I can't go to my best friend near me because she has a house but isn't allowed to have someone live with her, so what am I supposed to do? Saying all this I still feel uncomfortable about just leaving him because I help with food and utilities and if I go he will lose this place.

The government does supply me with a small amount a month for 9 months but isn't enough to live off of. Its easy for you to say to just leave and work things out with him, or not, but I don't have anywhere to go really and I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I don't know what to do.

Some of the things all of you have said kind of hurt my feelings but I don't live in denial, I know I am in a situation where it isn't right and yet i've lived in it for a long time now, waiting for this man to marry me and he still says he wants to marry me. He is not going to understand me telling him I'm going to leave if we aren't married. To him, if you love someone, you are with them and he doesn't believe he or we are sinning at all.

I don't know what else to say except that i'm very upset over this and I know God is not the author of confusion. I have to pray about this and try to decide on how to even think about this much less what to do about it.