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Old 12th April 2014, 03:41 PM   #3
edgya1234
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Re: Question for men - I would apreciate your candid opinion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
All I see is a controlling Mama that has manipulating power over him. She has possibly never let him go or cut the apron strings.

When you are not in Spain does he feel he has to keep ringing her or e mailing her? Does her opinions have power in your marriage? It seems like the other children have seen this and got away but he is still under this control maybe?

Does that add up? Did things start to get worse when he got home? I sense there is some power there over him coming from her. He is her boy whereas she should have let him go and form an independent union with you. Not that one should not love and honour their parents but where there is a control normal parental relationships do not operate properly.

Does that sound right? You judge if that is right or not but that is what I see.
Oh my God, you are totally right. She has a sick power over him really. She has this things where she was entering in our bedroom suddenly just knocking and entering. She also enters the bathroom when he is in the shower, I don't do this unless I really want something and is not sex
She also wants him to drive her places, go with her to the sales pitches she does, she wants to go out with him and his friends. He is her confident. She was always calling when we were home. She kept calling and calling sometimes we were in bed. The only instrument I have to get her off my head is touch. He responds extremely well to touch.
And here comes my fault. We had a fabulous sex life ( let's say the Latin lover thing is kind of true) and when he come to my country and started living with me I started to have this issues - it is not that I was not attracted to him but I could not let him touch me. Our sex life was lacking to say the least and not because of him. He never complained, we talked, he tried to understand but I heard him talking to his friends once about sex and a girl was like she never had a fulfilling sex life and he talked about us - few things - but what he said basically translated to I was amazing in bed. I just felt ashamed and dirty and I lashed out at him.
And I still love him and one of the things that he is telling me when we talk over and over is that we don't have sex. Now I want to fix everything but I can't and I won't push him. I don't believe in fixing a relationship when a man seems that he does not want. Actually I am not calling him and I do not know what to do when I will need to go to Spain to talk to the professors at MBA and get through the interviews for jobs. I don't feel like telling him. But kind of feels twisted and sick to come to his town and not telling him. On the other side I am afraid that if I tell him and he rejects me I can't deal with it. I would prefer running away and never face him before rejection.
I tried to get others opinion but people that know us are shocked. It seems he never talked to anybody about this. But my friends, our friends, my family they are shocked. I mean 1 month ago I was the reason he wakes up in the morning and he loves me, one week after that we have a massif fight over money and the car he has to fix - that his parents are using and after that all went downhill. That was the moment he started to say I am supportive, I don't care, I am selfish ( and that are his mother's words ). Maybe I need to tell that for 4 years I was the main provider in the relationship - I mean he had money - but I had real money. Now my business went south, is hard to find a job so fast because I used to be an entrepreneur and people think that I will live, I don't have other source of income besides him and he is not cheap except that he has to give his mother money and she lives him live sometimes with 13 Euro / week and he blames me that I don't understand he can't send me money because she is in his head constantly.
As I said I still love him and he gave up everything for me and now all his fears of not having money, of having payments he can't cover, of not being able to be a provider come true. He says I have a future and he does not want to her of me paying for anything ever again. This because when he told me that he does not want to send me money because he needs to pay off his parents I got mad and I told him that this is not just and fair because I supported us for 4 years, can't he do this for me for few months? So he took it as a reproach and he was like you through the things you do for me in my face when I was just making a statement.
Any idea what can I do? I am in shock. I can't process what is happening to me. I don't know who he is anymore. He seems like Mr. Jekil and Dr. Hyde. I don't want to live it ( and fight for a thing that is over it seems lame) but I want to make the right movements so he realize that he will regret it sooner than latter ( he said that he is not sure is the right decision and he might regret it latter but this is what he wants - be alone with his pain, his sufferance and wants nobody caring for him). Thank you so much for support.
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