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Old 8th May 2009, 12:03 AM   #56
torn
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2
Re: I don't love my wife and never have...

Hi squeeky,

The beginning of your story is amazingly similar to mine. Iím 35 years old and have been married for two years now, but ever since I met my wife two and a half years ago, I have been basically avoiding hurting her feelings.
I was never able to say the words ďIím not in love with you and never wasĒ and the one time I did try to confess had somehow led to our marriage (believe it or not).
We still donít have children though she is eager to get pregnant. She is over the heels in love with me and is blind to any signs that are so evident in our day2day.
I do respect her and love her (but sadly not romantically). What is more problematic is that Iím not attracted to her physically (even her caressing feels uncomfortable to me).
She is constantly complaining about the frequency of sex (which is not high) though Iím a considerate lover in the times we do.
As I said, I love her (not romantically) but leaving her would hurt her so and Iím torn just contemplating that.
I try to convince myself that I will learn to love her, I even believe I Iíll be able to generate a sexual attraction (for her), but what I canít see happening is romance, I canít see me growing real romantic feelings for her and this saddens me soÖ
I should also mention that there is an intellectual difference between us which is not contributing to the situation, though it is the kind that is easily breached when people are in love.

So even if you decide to stick it, how do you deal with the lack of physical attraction?
And more important, it you decide to love (as suggested be some here before) can this grow romantic feelings (on top of respect and devotion)?

Thanks,
torn
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