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Old 11th August 2014, 02:26 PM   #5
ralfgarnett
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,076
Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Thanks to you all for your replies, we have been together 20 years and I like to think I know as much about my wife as I possibly can, we both detest cheaters in marriage or any relationship, only a few weeks ago we were talking about someone that had been cheating and she said if you can't be faithfull in a marriage then infidelity is the wrong way to go, be honest at all times, I know my wife she is not a cheat and neither am I , she and I have both been cheated on in the past so we know how hurtfull it can be and we agree on that she cant lie for toffee and is painfully honest, plus we both believe in god and took our vows very seriously and we are still married and won't be getting divorced she said that to me before I said it to her, I know a lot of this story sounds odd I have had enough women in my life to know about women, sex, relationships etc, but we are genuinely close and are both hurting, one thing I am certain of is that she needs her space and I am honouring that, I am not unrealistic or a doormat but I agree with ronnoco that maybe just maybe there is an ember of hope, only time will tell and it's not been 5 weeks yet so still very early days, who knows what the future holds, if anyone had told 5 weeks ago today that we would be apart I would of said they were barmy honestly I saw or felt no signs absolutely nothing and I am not an insensitive man in fact I'm a bit over sensitive and would of noticed if there were any signs, plus I have all her answerphone messages from around the time it happened and she sounds just normal yet the ones immediately after sound odd but just recently they have been getting more like her normal self, I love my wife she is my best friend anyway and in all honesty if the best we can hope for is a lifetime friendship then fine by me, but as I said who knows the future and I am normally a bit pessimistic but a tiny little bit of me thinks this is not fully over by a long chalk, im not being unrealistic or burying my head in the sand I just have this slight feeling inside I might be wrong but it's not over until it's over and forever is a hell of a long time, time is the key lets just see what time brings, thanks again all of you please keep your replies coming I appreciate your views and feedback RG

Ps, one other thing that I wanted to add is that separated couples do get back together it is not rare, I'm not being unrealistic but it's true, don't forget we have 20 years of history of all kinds behind us that doesn't just get forgotten and binned there must be a bond there, plus my wife loves our 2 cats and our house and the peace and quiet where we live, she is currently staying between her mums house and brothers house which must be a bit unsettling for her and she likes the feeling of being settled plus if she went looking for her own place she cant get a mortgage because she had bad debt problems which she paid off in full and she would find it very expensive to rent locally as our mortgage is only £200 pcm for a big Victorian house, so £100 each per month is a bargain, just thought I would add in these few other ideas to pad out the discussion a bit further, we have always been close, we have never had marriage problems, constant arguing, domestic violence , infidelity etc so we have a clean and untainted past between us this must all count for something, as I keep saying who knows the future nobody of course, we are human beings not programmed robots and decisions, views, feelings can change and time is a great leveller she has even offered to do my shopping for me when she takes her mum to do hers, looking forward to hearing back from you,

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 11th August 2014 at 03:42 PM. Reason: EXTRA WORDS
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