Baroness

Also, I do keep myself very busy. I am painting christmas houses now and I also am working on a novel. I do many things that are creative including decorating the house for the holidays. In the 4 years we have been here we only went out to dinner once and that was for my birthday and I wanted to go to Olive Garden. We do not go out to the movies anymore and we do not eat out.

We have no friends coming over because he doesn't like my best friend Mickey and so he likes to just sit where he is. Most mornings he is gone up at the canyon and so I can watch what I want. There is no affection or anything unless he has had a few beers. He never tells me I look nice or compliments me in anyway and the only interest he has is the news and politics.

He is not interested in going out with me and says we don't have the money and the only way he has a personality at all is if he's drinking. He's tired all the time and takes naps and while he isn't going to the bar anymore, he is doing the same thing here. He is very popular up at the canyon but he isn't popular here.

However; I show him a lot of love and smile at him and just accept all this because the alternative would be to argue and still get nowhere. When I pray and read the bible this helps me to deal with it all. But at night when I go to bed it is very difficult. I told you he treats me like a roommate and I am not exaggerating in anything i've told you.

This is exactly what happens on a day to day basic unless he snaps at me for something and last time I snapped right back and then we forget about it and so this is what my life is like. When he does talk about when we'll have more money he says then we can go to the bar. That's what he thinks us getting out and doing something consists of.

I have lived this way for a long time and we do co exist together pretty well unless he's irritable about something. When something bothers him up at the canyon he will spend a lot of time venting to me but when I need to vent he is not interested. I am not trying to paint a picture that is false. This is what I live with.

He isn't interested in trying in this relationship. He is kind though and speaks to me in a kind tone most of the time but does not want to discuss our relationship or sex or anything else and he expects me to just accept the way he is. The only time he really talks to me is when he's been drinking and then I will have a nice time with him every once in awhile. Still, the evenings used to wind up with sex and now they wind up the same way whether he's drinking or not and that is me alone.

This isn't a marriage anymore, it is two people who basically get along living together. I am a very loving person but he keeps everyone at a distance.