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Old 2nd April 2013, 05:51 PM   #7
freddie
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 139
Re: How to see our married life through my wife's eyes

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
Yes but she has had 2 affairs now and didnt come out of the 'fog' after the first one. I am not suggesting that you discard her, but that you set clear conditions for the marriage to carry on.
1) she gets counselling on her own, along with anger managment,
2) she stops seeing any other men and with no more chances, and
3) you get marriage counselling together.
She needs to know that her actions have consequanses.We even teach small children that.

Cant help thinking of my brother who had his wife back after 2 affairs, She went on to have 2 more and is now married to the 4th lover.

Being a mother and wife isnt something that you do to get rewards??? Having that family and those healthy kids is reward enough.I think her view of married life is skewed.
I absolutely agree with your point plan, but that can only happen if she wants to get back to the marriage. She is not that devious that she has told me everything is fine now that her affair ended. She says she is 'really' going to get the divorce started and I have said I will sign the papers as soon as I get them. For me to proceed with the divorce is the best chance I have (I think) for her to realise that I am never going to take any of this rubbish again.

About the rewards, what she meant was me never taking her out, not showing her appreciation for her efforts looking after the house, children and me as well standing by me in difficult times and me not showing her love and affection. She is right on these things, she did things wrong too, but men are less demanding on the sentimental side of things.

As for her having affairs, the sure way that this would happen again is if we went back to the same way we were living (that must have happened to your brother). I would tell my wife that we have to make a radical change in our relationship and lifestyle or we will not last another 6 months, before she starts looking again. She got away with it before as I trusted her 100%, I was not watching plus I had zero experience with infidelity. This time I would trust her less and would watch a lot more. Now I know all the signs of an affair. It's a risk, yes, but she did not do it in the first 9 years of our marriage so she can avoid it again if she is happy

Last edited by freddie; 2nd April 2013 at 06:19 PM.
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