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Re: today
Amanda
At the moment I feel the same way, It would be easy enough for me to do, but if I caught him for sure, what then ?
I'm torn between wanting/needing to know and wanting to bury my head in the sand and hope it all goes away. Of course in an ideal world what I really want is for it never to have happened at all.............not possible I know.
I feel really low today ( the counsellor warned me this might happen )and to be honest I just want to pack a bag and run away and hide, but again that's not possible.
He's working the weekend or at least part of it, has been working his part time day job today and just left for his late shift, because of the agoraphobia it now feels like I'm in prison, using public transport or walking out of the house alone is a near impossibility for me right now and as I can't drive, I'm pretty much stuck here. Maybe it's because I feel dependant on him, that I don't take the final step to finding out the truth ?
Sometimes I want to hold him and beg him to stay and others I want to run as far away as I can,it's tearing me in two and I can't think straight anymore.
Sorry to hear you had bullimia, don't let him drive you back to that, you're stronger than that.
Lovey
We had a fantastic sex life, I always had a high sex drive and was more experienced than him, I introduced him to lots of new things, never said no to anything he wanted to try, I'm pretty open minded where sex is concerned, can't help feeling though that by doing this I maybe opened a can of worms ? It's dwindled now, partly because of the hours he works and partly because I always feel there are 3 of us in the bed, I'm no longer sure who he's thinking about when we make love, quite off putting ! It never stopped him needing porn tho, it's like he just has no self control at all.
His previous girlfriend with whome he lived for 12 years apparently either didn't know or didn't care ( he won't say which ) and from the little he has said wasn't keen on sex , or experimentation, apart from her his experience in bed was very limited. I've noticed too that he wants to make love less often, I wonder if this is guilt, or that porn is easier ? He says it's his age ( he's only 38 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) and that he's tired, but not too tired to sit on his laptop chatting to women ... hmmm .
Have a good weekend all, I've got the laundry to look forward to !
Helen
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