Thread: advice needed
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Old 31st August 2005, 08:00 AM   #11
Liz
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 662
Re: advice needed

Dear Woodywasp

At times like this it's natural for you to wnat answers - why, how long will this go on, can we sort this out? One of the hardest things in life is not to be able to have those answers or make a difference. In activity, churning things round in your mind - it's awful.

I'm glad you have friends around you who you can talk to, but counselling might help. Counsellors are trained to help you think things through in a way that friends aren't. It's a different type of support and both can help.

As to how long the depresssion can go on - that depends on whether a person gets help and whether things sort themselves out naturally. Some PND clears up when hormones settle down, other forms need specific help.

You are very honest to think through whether you have made mistakes. Yes, it sounds as if there were cries for help from your wife that you missed. You won't be the first man to not realise what was happening to their wife in such circumstances. It's good to face up to the mistakes you have made but not to take on the entire burden for what has happened. You didn't cause the depression.

There is also the baggage that you have both brought from previous broken marriages and from life experiences itself. Counselling might help with some of this too. When a long term relationship breaks down it can affect the way we respond to so many things in life. It's ok when things are going well, but small things can trigger past pain or set us into a particular attitude or way of behaving.

Do take care of yourself, get any help you need and that way you will be in the best shape to support your wife and son when things do begin to sort themselves out.

Best wishes

Liz
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