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Old 17th April 2014, 07:40 AM   #5
freddo
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 8
Re: 20 years Trapped

Chosen thank you so much for repkying. It's so helpful to finally talk this out. I hear exactly what you re saying and kniw it sounds as though I've used him and now I'm off...not so. I've spent every day of the last 20 years praying for the help to be someone I'm not. Sometimes ive grown into that person for a little while and been a good and loving wife....then I've boiled over in my frustration in having to sit on my creativity, my passion, my pizzazz and my adventure (which to he fair to husband were doused by grief when he met me). Then ive felt horribly trapped, held accountable for a 5 minute "yes" mistake I made aged 22 but unable to be honest with my husband- how can you break someone's heart? - or bring a relationship to a meaningful close like many oeople would have done because of tge effect on his career as a minister.......you can't fail in a sacrament as a minister can you? So ive stuck it oyt. My health has suffered. My children have come first but tgey are wise wnougg to see the cracks and my heart hurts for them. I'm not looking for greenee grass. I'm looking for a place where this terrible pressure is at an end- where it might be kinder to my husband to be without me too? I really don't know what the future looks lke. I just know that our relationship has been always broken and parchibg is such very very hard work.
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