Thread: Baronness
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Old 19th August 2011, 04:47 PM   #20
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

A few years ago my friend mickey ran a report on him through her job and found out that he did own the houses and had his own painting business but it didn't say anything about child support. Of course I have run a credit check for myself on those sites and it cost me nothing for a period of time and I guess I could do that, I just hate to do it and shouldn't have to but it might be a good idea, and I have thought of it before.

He keeps a box in the closet and that's how I found out about the child support after he'd paid it off in full and even his disability papers. He keeps a lot of papers in the van so I could only find out his attorneys address with what was in the closet and he's told me all this before. I don't think a credit check would tell me about his court case though.

It might reveal other things and I do know he's never been in jail before he spent the night in jail when he got a dui years ago. I hate to do this behind his back but I need to know what I'm dealing with here. We get our mail separately. He's always had a po box and I get my mail here. He also does his laundry separate and takes it to a laundry mat where I will do it at my friends or at the washroom here on the premises.

I offered to do his laundry and he said he wanted to do it himself because thats what he's always done and I asked this when we first moved in here. He likes to be independent and so do I but I think he takes it overboard sometimes. If he wants to do his laundry elsewhere then I'm fine with it and if he wants to get his mail elsewhere then fine, but I'm not fine with things I don't know about.

He has made me do these things, like looking in his stuff and so on. I didn't want to do that because I respect his privacy and I know he wouldn't go thru my things but he doesn't need to does he? I've been open and honest about everything, maybe too much so but I thought thats the way it was supposed to be with couples.

He hangs onto stuff from his past where I put it behind me and don't judge him for the things other men have put me through. I am more cautious now and suspicious because that's what happens when someone is not forthcoming. The thing is, I can't discuss what I find out from his things because then he'd know I broke our privacy trust.

This is just one of the things I find hard to live with. I didn't at first because it wasn't necessary for me to know everything when he would tell me about his past, but since i've met him i've always had the feeling that there's things I don't know. Again, this wouldn't be happening if he would have just been forthcoming.

He's opened up to me quite a bit over the years but he has this need to keep certain things private and he tells me to be the same way with other people. I'm just open and honest and don't mind talking to people about my life, he is the opposite. He promised me long ago that he would never lie to me because I told him from the beginning I would not live like that.

In his mind keeping things from me that don't concern me is not lying,but is his own business. He told me that after I found out he'd been getting money from his attorney when he knew we'd waited for years for something to happen with his settlement. I was very hurt because before it was what was his was mine too and now its it doesn't concern you, it has nothing to do with you.

I wonder how he'd feel if I said that to him. The thing is, he really doesn't care what has happened to me in my past. When I try to tell him about an incident he just ends the conversation as quickly as he can. If you love someone, isn't it normal to want to know everything about them?

Anyway, I feel better today and he's better also as far as his mood goes. But is it any wonder I don't trust him at times because of the way he is? I hate this mistrust too. I hate not knowing when and if he is m so sometimes when I suspect he is it could be that he isn't. I was very depressed last night but I don't feel depressed today.

I just don't think I should have to live with these secrets, or things I don't know about. It makes me suspicious and that isn't the way I am. He can justify it all in his mind somehow and yet he loves God so wouldn't cheat on me or break the law or do something that was wrong. He has integrity on how he lives but he just has issues that he hangs onto and is not just turning over to God.

We've all had bad experiences and that is no excuse. I HATE finding out things about him that he didn't tell me about. I don't like things being kept from me. And on top of all that now I have to deal with not making love and wondering when he's m. I've wondered sometimes if he is really where he says he is.

I've checked it out, believe me. I know the guy he's painting with and he calls here for gabby and so I know that's where he is. I know people up at the canyon and so I know he's there. I know the owner at the bar so I know when he's been there and who he is talking to. However; if he was with a woman there Holly (the owner and friend) might not tell me because she's his friend too.

I'm not sure but gabby isn't the type to flirt with women and I've known from others there that if a woman is coming on to him he will get up and leave. I believe he loves me and maybe I should have just accepted all this about him but some things I find hard to accept.