Thread: Baronness
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Old 20th August 2011, 09:21 AM   #27
Chamomile
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 816
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

baroness

You did change a bit which is good. You used to get very defensive when our observations are given to you out of care (not to harm you) and you expressed dislike in what some of us said but now you are saying these things as your own. You decided to own up some of the things which are difficult to keep denying in your heart. So you have actually listened and now you are accepting things without denial and quite naturally.

I would have said, "why don't you live on your own" a long time ago but I did not say this before because you do sometimes get defensive when someone suggests something. It sometimes irritates you. So I hadn't, until now..Now I see you changed your tune a bit. You are seeing your situation far more realistically. You used to tell me "I trust my husband so I don't need to know etc etc etc...!" But now, you want to know the truth. I think you are far more honest and accepting in the past couple of posts. You have better self-esteem.

B's issues are to do with social issues, his lifestyle not in sync with a marriage. Loss of employment (B). H on social security. His behaviour is that of a Bachelor's. Social deprivation and only recently, B realized that she can access health care. We are talking about someone who's in desperate need here. She worries about becoming homeless.

What on earth is he doing "up in canyon" all day in weekdays. I had thought he must have been doing something to earn his living. Now you have some disability to cope with, osteoathritis in the spine is no fun. I know someone with one and it is hell. As much as I can see how creative work would help for B, not sure if it's wise to focus on that too much right now, whilst the "house is burning down". Also, be careful not to over-strain yourself, people with some genetic predisposition to osteoarthritis could develop other joint/tendon/nerves etc diseases with manual repetitive strains, it creates strain cumulative effects over years. You might end up with another disability unless you take things easy.

This is no ordinary marriage middle class people have. There is an element of stark neglect and abuse (e.g. his "bad mouthing", his foul temper).

I suggest to find out what options are open to you e.g Housing, social security etc. Get out and move on from this. You are not old. 55 years old is like 44 used to be. You are full of energy still. Who can force her to live in misery which she has tried to get out of? He's not in to her (that's what B's complain re. his "M" is about) Set up a small place where you can do things without stress and worries.

One thing. You seem to have over-reliance on men for your happiness and a course of validation of your attractiveness as a female. That is a formula for a disaster once a honeymoon period is over and you are not a spring chicken. That's why I place God FIRST where my heart belongs. All the worldly nonsense suddenly becomes far more insignificant.

Sex is another for you. It's good if you have it going but if that's the only thing good about your marriage and once it's gone, everything falls apart, does that mean to say, "something is not right", don't you think?

I think you are making a huge progress in this. Well done, 1aokgal too! xxxxx
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