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Old 5th November 2010, 09:58 AM   #15
1aokgal
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Re: How do I take the final step?

Dear Heather..

A marriage of 22 years with children and shared history where there is still love can be salvaged. That is the meaning in the mrriage of "joined by God" and it isn't about paying someone back for hurt he has given you. It is obvious to me you still love this man. I do not see in your posts where he was delighted to leave his wife and family. Rather he said he wanted to be with someone who loved him and who wanted to be with him. Where have you been in the last years? Maybe you were both pre-occupied with a busy household, children and problems which dims the youthful glow in the eyes and the passion in a marriage. A person can go outside of the marriage when there is loneliness within it.

It seems to me you both grew apart. I think perhaps your relationship was no longer of primary importance. It might also be about some mid life crisis a man sometimes experiences when he thinks no one needs him or desires him. Whatever happened there might still be time to find the two of you again. That is something that could be worked out in counselling between the two of you. I beleive it is worthwhile to fight to keep what belongs to you. You seem depressed, resigned and angry. That is not the same thing as wishing your freedom from a marriage.

From what you post I see a wife who pushed the man out the door in anger and hurt. Maybe that is a great mistake? I say, rethink the issue and see if there is still enough love to forgive and try again.

It is easy for others to give advice to kick a husband to the curb for missteps. They do not deal with your pain of loss and the sadness of your children for these next holidays or the years ahead. They see their security and family home in chaos. Adultery is not the problem. It is a SYMPTOM of the problem. What was the problem? Do you know or would you like to find out what is the real underlying reason this happened? There is nothing wrong with you. It is not that you made a mistake. It is about time and what the years can cause between two people to erode a marriage.

It is easier to put garbage behind with someone you love, even with bruises, than it is to find a good man eager to make committment in todays' world. A marriage is worth saving if you can.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 5th November 2010 at 10:16 AM.
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