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Old 26th December 2013, 05:27 AM   #20
touchdownlexus
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Re: When is enough really ENOUGH!!!

Thanks for the kind words Ron.
Something DID happen. But dunno the meaning for it.
Last night at bed time he asked me how my day was. I said was ok. And I asked in return n he Sai not so bad at all. After long gaps of silence I said "I missed u today" normally I'm calculating what his reaction would be to me saying that but since this whole being a good person thing cropped up ... I've just been doing things as honestly as I can. And no shame in admitting u missed ur ex who's so close yet so far away on a festive day.
He took a few seconds n said he missed me too. And after a long gap said, " is it weird if I say I wanna hold u" I said no not at all. And he asked if he could. I said sure and I went to his bed cuz I sleep on the floor and held him. It was very emotional. N I cried silently in his arms. Not sad. Not happy. Just emotional. Mebbe the emotion was grieving the loss of a relationship.
Was with him holding n being held for 2 hours. In between he kissed a few times and stopped himself n apologised. And kissed again. I never kissed him even once. He said he noticed how I've been looking great the last few days. And coupla days ago he almost held me from behind on the floor. And said he feels guilty abt not gtng me an Xmas gift when I got him this real cool pressie that he's wanted for a while. It was all nice to hear bit I wasn't deluding myself.
And he did say... " I know I wanna hold u and e with u and missed u and all that...."
And I finished for him. " but it doesn't mean we r together"
He silently agreed to that.
Later he kinda got a lot more frisky and even said mebbe we shud have sex. I said I wasn't gonna get sucked into it again. He said there's nothing to get sucked into. I said U won't. I just might. He said "if u ever feel like it u know we can" I said we shudnt. The last thing I want is to be hi F... Buddy.
In the end I know this just a man getting horny and I shudnt give it much thought.
But can't help asking God why he made that happen. To harden my heart. To test if I'm strong enuff to face the next blow. All thro the time I hel him I kept asking God. " why r u doing this, God?"

I wasn't totally affected or anything. I was never madly attracted to him but he was going mad. I just didnt know the meaning or the need for what happ last night.
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