Quote:
Originally Posted by So alone
Hi sean1234
I don't know of your story or situation, nor have I read your previous thread but I did want to post something just on the basis of what you have written above.
I think your post describes a whole wealth of feelings for your wife that you haven't allowed yourself enough time to deal with and get through. Quite possibly because it seems they are too painful for you. However mostly I feel that you are being very unfair to the new lady in your life. It seems obvious to me that you don't reciprocate her feelings to the same degree as she does. I don't think that is fair as I can foresee she will at some point be hurt and this is un-necessary.
I think you need to concentrate completely on you and this will take a lot of time and energy and exploration. Until you are feeling much more complete as a person I don't think it a good idea to share 'you' with anyone else.
Upanddown gives good advice re the book. I am quite certain you will be able to do this.
Sending lots of support and love x
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Absolutely and totally agree with this. You are clearly not in a position emotionally for a new relationship and even though she may love you, and she says its too late because she loves you, that doesnt mean that you should be seeing her at this point.
A man called Jim Smoke, who has counselled many many divorcing and divorced couples, and who started the divorce recovery workshops, says that we need 2-5 years AFTER the divorce before we are ready for another relationship.I dont know how long you have actually been divorced(are you actually divorced?) but its clearly far too soon for you.Its unfair for the other lady for you to be getting serious when you are clearly not ready.You may well be using her to make you feel better and less lonely, which isnt a good reason to see anyone.
I would give yourself at least another 1-2 years to recover and heal, or you are taking all of the baggage into this new relationship.Jim also says this is why so many second and subsequent marriages fail, because people get involved/married too quickly.
I wasnt ready for about 4 years after my marriage ended to even consider meeting anyone else, and met my now husband aftrer 6 years.
I would concentrate on being a good dad and on getting yourself emotionally in a stronger place and getting the feelings for your wife out of your system, as it isnt fair for another women if you still have these feelings.