Thread: How to move on
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Old 24th May 2011, 11:36 AM   #14
Helen_uk
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,531
Re: How to move on

You know Lynn I've found guilt to be a recurring theme through my life. I think that has a lot to do with lack of self esteem , caused by the abuse more than likely.

Even though I KNEW the abuse wasn't my fault, I always felt to blame in some way. That impacted on my choices in regards to relationships, and it's taken a lot of work to get passed that and admit to myself I deserve more.

You are in a good position financially , probably a lot better than most women going through this , but if you're not in the same position emotionally it doesn't make it any easier. You're right in that you need to love you first and to realize you are worth the best. Otherwise you tend to get entangled in toxic relationships that are doomed from the start . I think sometimes there's an element of wanting to " save " people that leads us to pick the wrong choices in partners. It's common for victims of childhood abuse to develop into co-dependent adults and pick narcissistic partners. And that can be a hard habit to break.

I knew nothing about co-dependency until someone mentioned it to me and I read up about it online , it opened my eyes as the criteria mostly applied to me, and then I set about putting that right.

I think sometimes loving someone isn't enough , to have a successful relationship there is a whole quota of things that are needed , trust, respect and compatibility are just some of those things and they have to be mutual.

You've made a success of most of the areas of your life through sheer determination and hard work, and I'm pretty sure you can do the same in the relationship area
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