[chosen]

This is a really really hard one to answer, because while I can sort of understand that you are getting impatient with her, she has always been this size, and was when you met, so what was it that attracted you to her then? Presumably you fancied her at the beginning when she was a similar size?Presumable you desired her when you asked her to marry you?
I do read posts from men on American forums whose wives were slim, and then put on 2 or 3 or 4 stone after marriage and I can sort of understand that rather more, but that isnt the case here.You say that you are repulsed by her and yet also say that she is attractive.Which is it? I would be devasated if I thought that my husband was repulsed by me.

Many many women have issues with their looks/size/shape etc, not just her believe me. In fact I hardly know a lady who doesnt. I think this is partly because of the immense pressures today on women to have to be slim, young, wrinkle free, have silky blond hair, perfect make up etc etc in the media etc and the implications that man wont fancy you unless you are a size 8-10.
I once read that for a woman, their man is their mirror. If she knows (and she does, believe me) that she isnt acceptable in your sight, then she will feel that deeply and it will HURT. The more she hurts the more she will feel bad and want to eat. I believe that every women wants and needs to be their mans beautiful princess, loved and adored and desired by him. Some of the things that you describe, such as her not wanting to be naked on your wedding night, show me that she feels anything but that, and feels ashamed of herself and of how you see her.Women are SO sensitive to how their man sees them, they pick things up so easily.

As for what you do, well it depends on how much you love her and want to marry her.Looks pass away anyway as the years pass, and most of us put on weight and get grey hair and wrinkles as we age and we dont just give up and reject that person then.

Do you feel that God has bought you together?I presume you do, or why would you have asked her to marry you? Have you felt that she is Gods choice for you? If so, then pray and ask God to change the way that you see her. DONT say anything about her size. Reasure her if she brings the sublect up. She isnt the one who has changed, YOU have. She was always on the largish size you say. Once you liked and accepted her and wanted to marry her, and now you dont . Ask God why that is. Ask Him to make it clear what you are to do.

Do you maybe have this unrealistic image of the 'perfect lady' and she isnt it? Do you have this picture in your mind of the women that you thought you would marry, ie Perfect, slim, attractive, confident, etc etc and she isnt like that?Do you want to be seen with a slim atrractive lady on your arm to make you feel better about yourself?(Now that is very common in men) Society plays into all of this, making men think they have to have this 'perfect goddess', who is everything that he 'needs' when in fact what he needs is a loving, kind, affectionate lady with a good personalty and a godly spirit. These are things that last when looks dont. Beauty is fleeting and vain the Bible says.

The thing is, that we ALL need to be loved and accepted AS WE ARE, and not as our spouse/fiance wants us to be. My husband spent 23 years in his first marriage with a wife who was trying to make him be someone that he wasnt. To know that your spouse/fiance is discontent or unhappy with you, for whatever reason, can be soul destroying and deepy hurtful. It damaged him greatly, and shrivled up his spirit, but he has blossomed since we met and married. His son says that he has 'come alive'.
You even seem to be ashamed of her in front of friends, Ouch.Ouch Ouch.She must feel that.

You need to do some some very serious thinking and praying(maybe also fasting), and I would also advise that you go and see your pastor, or maybe one of the elders, who you trust, and spend time with him praying and talking about this asap.

If you decide after prayer that she is the one that God wants you to marry, then STOP being discontent and committ yourself to her 100%. Love her as she is, dont EVER mention her weight or size and pray for her. The best way to get a lady to loose weight is to make her feel good about herself, help to build up her self esteem and love her AS SHE IS. Tell her she is beautiful. tell her that you love her just the way she is. Make her feel loved and special and desirable. The way to make a women put ON weight is to nag her, pressure her and make her feel 'not good enough'. She will then eat more out of unhappiness. She deserves more than that. Even if she lost weight now, she may well get bigger again when she has children, or gets older, as many do, so what will you do then? Trade her in for a younger slimmer model? You may go bald, you may gain weight, but you would expect her to still stay with you and love you I presume?
If you decide to end it, then the sooner the better. I am sure you realise that she will be devastated, and her self esteem will be rock bottom, but if you dont love her enough, and arent willing to accept her for who she is, then marriage would be a mistake for both of you. If she does actually repulse you(and that is a very strong word)wheras she didnt before, then you cant really marry her can you.
Get godly counsel and prayer and seek God BIG TIME.

It also sounds as if she needs to know more about Gods love for her and how He sees her. This will help to build up her self esteem.So many women today have such bad self esteem(I have struggled with this myself). I am sure that it is one of Satans strategies to keep them bound up. Another strategy is of his is to make men discontent with the way their wives/girlfriends look, by getting them to compare them with other women who are probably slimmer, or younger or whatever. Its all so sad.

God Bless