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Old 12th January 2011, 04:29 AM   #151
1aokgal
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Re: How do I take the final step?

Dear Heather..

Not to hijack your thread..hope you are doing better. You still have a lot of loneliness because he works away from home. That is not likely to change. It would be good if you could go there for weekend or partial weeknd to break up that long time you have little contact. It is something that goes around your work hours but might be a worthwhile concession to try to be there with him.

I really understand loneliness as it effects the spouse who stays behind when a man works elsewhere. That has been life for me in two marriages which was not something I planned. It is difficult to make the decisions and handle all the problems that occur. There is fact everything breaks down, needs to be repaired or replaced. There are many holidays that one doesn't celebrate alone. Illness
alone occurs and there is no one to help. I went through three surgeries in the years alone along with other emergencies. It sure wears one away. It is difficult not to harbor resentment for the loss of days which can never be replaced. The Christmas gifts are not exchanged, the birthday wishes are left unsaid and there are many moments one misses to live alone. He makes a living, you do what you can to find a life for yourself.

It is true that conditions are no better for my husband with his job elsewhere. Conditions are primitive and his working hours are long without gourmet restaurants or a lifestyle that I can envy. He works for our comfort and security and lives for the times when he can be here. In summer, the alone time is less a problem. I enjoy the pool and boat time and like painting in the Florida room. In winter it is tougher to get through the hours with all the problems of extreme cold weather. My husband calls often and emails. So that helps a lot.

It sounds as if your husbands' career has him locked in for the future. So I am sure you share time
with your children but have a lot of alone moments as well. The thing that has to change with your situation is the degree of trust and security you need to feel that the affair ended and no communication exists. You should never have to worry that you are being lied to about where he spends his time. I hope things are better. Have you see the counselor as yet?
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