[Raymond]

Liz wrote;

That does not tie in with my understanding of making love that it is about expressing love for and joy in each other and giving the other pleasure. For me, making love is a celebration of the beauty of our love for each other and, as a Christian, it is holy, a place and time that should be free from selfishness, power or control.

You are absolutely right Liz and said so beautifully. I am striving to get there and do experience what you are saying quite often.

I've had this since age thirteen off and on, but is does not dominate the bedroom by any means. I don't enter into anything to do with punishment I instinctively knew that part was wrong when it first came up.

I know that the coming together is the main thing, which I do. This other thing happens sometimes in foreplay, more like a fun thing. I told DW I was going to give it up and she asked why? So it does happen occasionally as it doesn't bother her, and she is as sexually pure as one can get I think.

But your instincts may be correct. I have prayed about this a lot, so I don't just accept it as okay. The real danger is internet about it which I always strive to keep away from, unless it is discussed in an honest and non tittilating way. I don't think we enter into any real pain as such, and certainly no power or control. Maybe a bit of selfishness perhaps? So I am managing it and not feeding it from other sources. Something about it has been sexualised in me from a very young age rightly or wrongly.

I do value your comments and will take them on board.

God bless you

Raymond