snakedriver

Read at own risk:very long! lol

Alright Smackie9! Will you speak to my wife? Lol. My wife and I have been going through this lately. I have deleted any pictures or videos and have abstained from masturbating as much as I can. I thought it wouldn't hurt to try for her, a real honest try. I am a raging sex monster, she is a once a month girl. I will try and give up porn, she will try and realize that all along I wish that she enjoyed porn and sex and all the fantasies out there with me, and try and see herself in a better light. I tell her everyday how beautiful and attractive she is to me, but I think she never really belives it. I always imagined that that was the two of us together, but in the end it just frustrated me that I will never have any of the things I like to watch in person.

Our sex life before marriage was frequent, and a bit more free than it is now. Never crazy, and I made her promise that things wouldn't change after marriage. I realize now that that is a silly thing, you never know what stresses you both will go through. I felt that it was a compromise. She has been my one and only, and after marriage when things slowed down in the bedroom I had all kinds of thoughts like "I gave up sowing my oats for a life with very little sexual pleasure?". Just feeling sorry for myself I guess. I looked for porn that depicted women that looked something like her, and all I really wanted was just a little of that with her.

"Why do you have to look at porn when I'm right here?" she says. Because you do not like anything I really like sexually, you make me feel guilty for wanting more, not because of the porn, the porn is an attemp to fill a void. My desires are for more and that makes me the bad one. Instead of leaving you I realize that all is not sex, I love you for alot more than that, good life, good kids, same goals and dreams, best friends. I don't want to make you feel used for my satisfaction. I will find a way to deal with the lack of stimulation and variety and try and keep it out of your face, out of respect. But you pry into my computer and accuse me of not loving you and wishing I could be with all those other internet women.

"Why do you look at porn when you know that it makes me feel like I am not enough to satisfy you?" She says. Because so far since our wedding day you have made me feel like you only gave me sex to "throw me a piece of candy" and the sex we had before marriage was a way to appeal to me so I would marry you. You blow it off whenever I have tried to talk about it, or tell me that it is my problem because I am the evil horny man, in so many words. That does not feel very good for me. In short, maybe you are not enough to satisfy me sexually. But I make it work anyway, because I love you and we have a lot more together than that. I want more and more adventurous sex, you would be happy if all we had was missionary once a month. I'll deal with it if you attempt even a little bit to put yourself in my shoes. I don't think many women realize how powerful sexual urges can be for some men. Have you ever been really really horny? Be honest. There is a bit of truth to the second brain thing.

Ladies, men are going to wank off. We are going to stare at lovely ladies. That does not mean that we do not wish to be with you, love you, and find you attractive. Because we look at porn that does not mean we will cheat on you. I know my wife and I have many issues there, we may be an extreme case, but from discussion boards to friends, it seems to be a pretty common scenario. She will read this, and we have talked about it, finally like adults. But I refuse to go to another therapist that makes me feel like I am damn near an adulterer, all around bad person for wanting to experiance sex to the fullest. Especially when most women make thier man feel like its only going to get better after marriage. But we never listen to all the married guys that say "you gettin married? Kiss that sex life goodbye" We always think that won't happen, we enjoy sex together too much, its only a cliche. But here I am ten years later tossing around the idea of going to one of those massage parlors. Well, one of us has to suck it up. So I will give an honest try. If she doesn't want more, maybe I can make it right in my own head, find a way to make more out of what we already have. Maybe over time my libido will diminish and we can meet somewhere in the middle. See how it goes after a couple of years. She deserves that. I will try not to think of it as a sacrifice on my part.

Be a fantasy for your man every now and then. Come up with a few things you would like and ask it of him. Just once I would love it if my wife asked me to run my fingers through her hair, or kiss her neck, or anything she wanted instead of her expecting me to intuitively know when or what to do for her, or making me feel like a taker all the time cause I do know what I want. "but you are my fantasy, all I want is this" she says. Hey, thanks for trying a little. Decide where your limits are and every now and again go to the brink of crossing them without doing anything you don't really want to do. Don't indulge him for his sake, it feels crappy as a man to find out your only doing something to get him off your back. But don't freak out if we toss off a little in our spare time. I'm not suggesting anyone else has these particular problems, they are mine and my wifes. Maybe there are some similarities? Take it for what it is. It might suck to know you may not be enough for your man, but it also sucks to know you will have a medeocre sex life until death do we part. Ask a question you may get a really honest answer. This problem has been around since marriage, only now men have unprecidented access to porn of all types. Over 90% of all internet traffic is porn related. If it becomes a problem, an addiction, by all means step in and try your best to help. Sometimes we are just curious too. Most guys are not enjoying porn to hurt thier wives deeply. Knowing that it does makes me want to change. Change works both ways though. Understand that men are different from women. We are visual, horny monsters. And we do not require an emotional connection to get off, but it does enhance things.