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Old 25th November 2004, 03:48 AM   #37
snakedriver
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Liz,


Thanks for a response to that that was well thought out and meaninful. I feared in posting that that I would just be attacked. You and your husbands relationship sounds alot like mine and my wifes, as far as the romantic part goes. I have left a trail of stuffed animals leading to love notes, arranged many romantic nights alone, that kind of thing. I really believe that foreplay starts when you wake up in the morning, not 20 mins before sex. And your right, giving can be more satisfying. The experiance for me is a lot more intense if I know she is feeling good.

Porn does different things for different poeple, but it does diminish how exciting everyday marital sex can be if your partner is not a porn star. That is why I have abstained from viewing it, I felt the beginnings of addiction when I decided to give it up. I started immediately justifing why it was ok. That was enough for me. I understand her point, I can see why some women find it offensive and disgusting, make her think she is not enough, all of that. The only problem is, now I get to go back to missionary once a month. I meant what I said during our vows, and I am trying to let go of any selfish tendencies. I do want to help her, I am going to try and figure out how. I know I am having trouble with some immature feelings, logically I know some things shouldn't bother me. A good honest try at quitting porn and being there for her is all I can give right now, it will take time. I am dealing too. We've both sacrificed a lot, just never thought I would have to in the bedroom. It sucks, change what you can, accept what you can't. All and all I think if all these posts are read, and you take the median out of them, you get a pretty good picture of what its all about and what it really means in marriage.

Liz, as far as my other post, the part that makes me feel betrayed the most is I thought I had found someone who abstained before she found the right love as I had. I had been close a few times, but it never felt right. I never had religious views on it or anything, I just listened to myself. I don't think of myself as a better person than her or anything, I understand that things are much different for a beautiful young woman than for your average guy. A lot more pressure. Not all of her experiances were as horrible as rape. She had many partners that treated her halfway decent. Thats almost harder to hear. The crux is she just let me believe that. Knowing it just makes me want to be there for her, and run screaming at the same time. I know she feared that I would reject her. She has come to me several times to discuss things, I have let her know that its ok, I'm here. It still hits me like a brick in the face sometimes though. It really sucks that I have to deal with baggage brought about by other guys. There is more to it than that, but I think I need my own post for it. Sorry such a long post, it just spills out.

Last edited by snakedriver; 25th November 2004 at 04:03 AM. Reason: Didn't address previous questions
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