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Old 20th December 2004, 04:53 AM   #52
Lovey
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystified
Lovey.....

I was talking about men who would rather masturbate to porn than be with their wives.. not men who do both. I have read dozens and dozens of posts from women all over the internet complaining that the marriage is sexless because of porn. I think you are one of the lucky ones as he is still aroused by you.

From what I've read, before internet porn, even if a man was no longer attracted to his wife, he would have sex with her out of sheer pent up sexual desire- that being better than masturbating to a magazine or fantasizing about the new secretary at work. But now men who are no longer physically attracted to their wives actually prefer video and internet porn because of the variety and high quality images and the intensity of the porn/masturbation experience.
I realise you were talking of the ones who would rather jerk off than be with their partners. (I am sensitive) Many people do both. Sure women complain that the porn is the reason the sex life is sexless but how do we know it is the entire reason? There are two sides. Do you think that they may be having other issues and porn is just a symptom? I mean it sounds like that is what you are saying.
Yes, he is still aroused by me. I am not the reason he is turning to porn. He's done it since he was young. My looks and or weight have nothing to do with this. It doesn't always have to do with someone's looks. For me, he does not have sex with me out of " sheer pent up sexual desire" (not that you meant that towards me)
We have always enjoyed sex twice, sometimes three times a day for years. We've never had any issues in the bedroom. My issue was always trust and now is the porn and the mistrust. He had lied to me about two other things non related, and I hate lies. I hate that we were not as open about this until now. Thanks for your response.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyJ
The married porn user walks a fine line between masturbation and sex with his wife. I suppose some men can go for years doing both, ideed some women here have said they join their husbands watching porn. But the hardcore porn user feels uncomfortable watching porn with his wife. He sees his "porn time" as HIS time, a time to be alone and to lose himself in the porn fantasy. Something he can't do with his wife in the room.

This fine line he walks can easily make a turn into more porn/masturbation and less and less wife. AS she grows older, perhaps puts on weight, or just the familiarity and monotony of intercourse with the same person for years and years can easily cause a man to begin to prefer the porn fantasy over sex with his wife.

I'd say any woman who is not a newlywed and who's husband is a regular porn user should keep all this in mind and keep a sharp eye out for the signs of a dwindling marital sex life.
"The married porn user walks a fine line between masturbation and sex with his wife. " What do you mean by that? That made no sense to me. I don't understand. Can you expand on this? Thanks!
My husband used porn long before I ever met him. It has nothing to do with me, whatsoever! His last partner used it alone as well and he thought nothing of walking in on her using it and jillin off. (I just found that out a few days ago.) He used porn as a means to an end. (orgasm) I figure he might be addicted to orgasm.
He jerks off sometimes because he wants to just get off he says. This can be after we've made love 12 times a week! If I say no, one time, he might be on the net while I am showering to get off.
Sometimes I only want sex once a day and so he will jerk off a few times a week he says, or I will jerk him off or have given him oral... and he has also used porn these times.. obviously!!
Growing older and putting on weight- doesn't apply to me. Not to some others I'd imagine too,.
You have to remember I was in the business! I am still the sexy woman he married and we are still newlyweds. That doesn't matter either. We have been together in total about three years or so. Nothing has changed. He is very much in love with me. Nothing has changed with us sexually, intimately,... etc. Like I said, I discovered that he was still using porn, when we met and he offered to stop. I assumed he had, then found out about 6mos later that he lied and he promised again he just wouldn't look. I told him that he could but don't lie or hide it. This time, I draw the line, because there is obviously something deeper going on I thought. I don't want him watching it, I don't like the keeping it a secret even more!

I think that people should keep their eye on their relationship, work on it before bad things happen. I think that they need to have open discussions. It's not always about sex, I think. I just don't know. I think it is about something within themselves.
My situation in particular isn't about me or sex. It's about his habit and possibly his need for orgasm.
I used to watch porn all the time to get off, and found it fine. I didn't hide it from anyone or let it become an issue. I was jealous and astounded at the type of hardcore porn he was watching the first time I saw it. The second I came across it by accident. He had named it something else to hide it from me.
The fact that he has kept on hiding it and lying about watching it that it became a real issue for me. I detest lies. Lies make me feel resentful and not close with him.
I find that the men and, the women on this forum, so far have a different outlook on the whole thing. It is very interesting.

I love my husband and I want things to work and to get stronger and better.
I'm just looking for a way to feel closer to him *consistently* I am feeling close to him throughout the day but not constantly as I did before this last lie.
I am looking for a way to forgive the lying and hiding and get back to where we were, intimately and sexually. I guess it takes time?
I am feeling the strain from not being made love to, not having as many orgasms as I normally do with him. I guess I will have to look to myself for the answers.
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