Bleh. I'd like to look to myself.
Tonight he went out to a mutual friends house. I asked that he come home very early because I dislike being home alone at night. (We are in process of getting a security system in.) He called a half hour after the time I asked he be home for and said he'd be another half hour. I understand that what they are doing takes time - it's now been a hour and a half later. I understand they are busy and can't time these things but at this time, I need him closeby until I trust better.
I am feeling resentment and anger. I think I'm being insecure, and guessing it's because of all that has happened.
I truly hate this. I feel butterflies in my stomach and am afraid to sleep as I hear noises in the house, with the pets and creaks.
Is this insecurity ever going to go away? Has anyone else gotten over this crap and has your relationship sustained? Lately I wonder how long we will last. I have always dreamed of someone like him and now I look at him different. I'm afraid of our future. I realise what will be will be but I also believe it's up to us to make things better. I just don't know how.
I feel very alone right now. Empty. No matter what he says, it doesn't assauge my feelings lately. Seems like things went downhill and I'm unsure what is next.
I feel that he disrespected me and didn't understand what it meant to me to have him here before I went to sleep. Now that I"m going to bed we won't be close, we won't make love and I am **** outta luck again.
I'm going to sleep now.