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Old 20th January 2005, 06:20 AM   #73
Lovey
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Unhappy girl, that is the best thing I think, is open communication, truthfulness on your part and why you dislike the porn so much and even counselling. It'll help.

I have found that not shutting down helps me. Keylogger has shown nothing since my last post. We're still making love as much as we do and it's been wonderful. I still have trust issues, and by all means don't think it's over. We await a counsellor's call.

To Another wife:
Quote:
As a psychologist and wife of an addict, I can tell all of you wives that you can't try to control your husbands' addiction. That way is a sure path to heartache for you. We all have to be free to make our own decisions, but that also means you are free to make decisions about what you will and will not stand for. Best of luck to all of you; it's a crappy world
I feel sad for you and what you're going through. I have no problem believing that you're a psychologist. I've got a psychologist friend going through the same.. only much worse than I am.. same scenario but worse, I mean.

You're right. No one can control anyone's addiction or anyone, unless they let you. I don't think it's a crappy world though. I think it's what we make it to be.

My husband isn't addicted. He never was. Not all of the husbands are.

I didn't make any demands on him to stop looking, we discussed it for days on end and he came to the conclusion on his own that he didn't want to be doing something that was going to cause me to be hurt, and therefore cause our relationship to deteriorate over time, as I've watched others deteriorate. I had never told my husband that his porn watching was hurting me, or that it was turning me off, until the last conversation. Strangely.. I pride myself in being quite good at communicating.. I assumed he realised that my being against him jerking off to it meant that I was hurt by it. He didn't know. He couldn't read my mind!!
He thought it was simple jealousy, which it wasn't.
I saw porn daily, being that I worked with it- so he didn't understand that it was hurt. Working in the industry is different than having porn in your life. :P

At any rate.. I am still frequenting this site to help myself and anyone else in my path!!!
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